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Sporty McBloggin's One Game A Day to DVR from the World Cup: June 21 - 25

W. H. — Mon, 21 Jun 2010 04:08:00 GMT

Be sure to check out our World Cup Previews
Groups A-D
Groups E-H
Knockout Stages

Day 11 – Monday June 21

Spain v Honduras

If it wasn't for Spain's dreadful performance against Switzerland, this game wouldn't carry as much importance. But the favorites are forced to dig themselves out of a hole following their first game loss. Honduras is a severe underdog here, but don't count them out. They were the best defensive squad in CONCACAF qualifying. If they can clog the passing lanes and rough up the Spanish strikers, it could mean an upset.

What to watch for:

- Spanish midfield. There's no better. They owned the possession against Switzerland, but despite rattling the post a few times, couldn't put home a goal.

- Can David Villa or Fernando Torres figure out how to find the back of the net. If you can't score, you won't win. Unless Xavi and company start bombing from long range, Spain will need their forwards to show up.

Day 12 – Tuesday June 22

Argentina v Greece

All Diego Maradona's squad needs is a tie and they're through. But Greece needs a convincing win to help push themselves into the knockouts. More than likely the Greeks will find themselves defending in their own zone most of the match. But their eyes will be on the scoreboard, and that will motivate them to attack.

What to watch for:

- Argentine strikers. Gonzalo Higuain netted a hat trick against a stout South Korean defense. Which forward (Messi, Aguero, Tevez, Milito, Higuain) will make his presence known against Greece?

- Argentine defense. Greece is far from an offensive powerhouse, but Argentina is not exactly a brick wall on defense. Will they play sloppy enough to let Greece into the game? Can Theofanis Gekas find the form that made him the leading scorer in UEFA qualifying?

Day 13 – Wednesday June 23

Germany v Ghana

After the US and England struggle to stay alive on Wednesday, Group D will sort out their mess. Ghana is the closest African team to the knockout rounds. They'll have to defeat or tie Germany to make it through. Not exactly an easy task against the nation who's finished in the top 3 of the World Cup more often than any other. Both squads struggled in their last match after strong openings. They'll have to assume that Serbia will win against Australia.

What to watch for:

- Germany will be without Miroslav Klose thanks to his red card against Serbia. Will Joachim Low stick with experience in Lukas Podolski and Mario Gomez? Or will he use young Bayern Munich star Thomas Muller?

- Boateng brothers Kevin-Prince (Ghana) and Jerome (Germany) will be on opposite benches. Although Jerome may not see the pitch, the Germans will be marking Kevin-Price. He injured German captain Michael Ballack during the FA Cup final this season.

Day 14 – Thursday June 24

Italy v Slovakia

Thursday will be full of decisive action. Japan and Denmark will settle 2nd place in Group E. And Paraguay and New Zealand will help sort out Group F. The defending champs are in trouble here as they meet Slovakia. Marcelo Lippi will have to make sure his elder statesmen are well rested after their disappointing opening matches. Slovakia still has a fighting chance in their first World Cup, so they will not be laying down here.

What to watch for:

- Italy needs goals in case of a tiebreaker situation. Will they finally start Serie A scoring champion Antonio Di Natale?

- Will goalie Gianluigi Buffon be able to play for Italy? If not, will Chiellini, Cannavaro, and company be able to deflect the majority of the Slovakian attack?

Day 15 – Friday June 25

Spain v Chile

Depending on how Monday shakes out, Chile will either be at the top of the group defending its standing, or in the middle of the pack needing to stun the group favorite in order to survive. Spain should still be in the competition, otherwise the world may stop spinning on its axis.

What to watch for:

- Humberto Suazo didn't play against Honduras. Will he be fit to go against Spain? He's the strongest offensive force that Chile has, and they'll need his big body to match up against Pique and Puyol.

- Chile is not the tough defensive side that Switzerland is. The Spanish should be able to penetrate and move behind the defense. If Spain gets their passing going, can Chile get the ball back?

Running Diary: Cardinals vs Mariners 6-15-2010

W. H. — Wed, 16 Jun 2010 05:00:00 GMT

1st Top- Welcome back Jeff Suppan. Thanks for loading the bases. I comment that the Cards have started their stronger defense with Ryan and Schumaker up the middle. SportyMcBloggin correspondent Mr. Oldham disagrees. He claims Flip Lopez is stronger than Skip at the 2 bag. We'll see about that.

1st Bottom- Seemingly everyone in St. Louis is taking credit for suggesting that Tony LaRussa move Matt Holiday in front of Pujols in the order. The Cards put a couple runners on base but can't capitalize. Perhaps lefthanded pitching trumps any lineup adjustments.

2nd Top- The Mariners are struggling and that surprises me. A team owned by Nintendo should keep things light in the clubhouse and the stadium. Can't we get Felix Hernandez to pitch an inning in a Yoshii suit? Or how about having the players take the field in Mario Karts?

3rd Top- The short fat Steve Kline & his recently incarcerated friend have just claimed their seats after accosting much of the bleacher section on their way.

3rd Bottom- Brendan Ryan leads off with a single and proceeds to steal second. I ask the question: should the Cardinals sacrifice Ryan over to 3rd in order to give Holliday a chance to drive the runner home with at least a fly ball? Mr. Oldham's verbatim response, "No, the only place Matt Holiday flies out to is second." Schumaker bunts the runner over. Holliday pops out to second. The Cardinals score no runs.

4th Top- Milton Bradley hits a shot. And the St. Louis fans throw the ball back. That's original. An English fan is picked for an eye-care challenge and lovingly refers to his national goalkeeper as crap. Why is Trevor Miller warming up in the 4th?

4th Bottom- David Freese ropes a ground rule double and a fan does there best Carlos Lee impersonation. Is the rookie the most consistent hitter on our team this season. And Colby... The young 'uns make it 2 -1. Suppan lines a double into the corner to help his cause. Brendan Ryan is now 2 for 2, and Milton Bradley misplayed that like Battleship. Suppan scores, 3-1.

5th Top- A fan on the scoreboard expresses his disinterest in interleague play & sobriety. Hawksworth comes in to pitch. Meanwhile, an attempt at the wave dies a slow death like emo and the dollar. Schumaker makes a diving stop on a ball up the middle to hold Ichiro at 3rd. A large mammal with his shirt inside out climbs the concourse as Hawksworth walks the bases loaded. Despite his earlier homerun, Milton Bradley's still a.223 hitter. Should we be pitching around him? On a play that could go either way Ryan tosses to Schu for the force at second. Bradley takes the news as well as an unwanted pregnancy.

5th Bottom- Ichiro is class. He tosses the third out into the visiting crowd. Bet the fans won't be ungrateful enough to throw that one back.

6th Top- With 2 outs LaRussa brings in Trevor Miller for essentially one out. (he's scheduled to bat next inning) I understand that Ichiro is dangerous, but do we need to be on our 3rd pitcher through 6?

6th Bottom- If Peabody Energy could figure out a way to turn off the stadium lights instead of the scoreboard, more people would pay attention to their clean coal promise. As of now the only coal these fans care about is the stuff that warms their grills. The Cards use their 2nd pinch hitter of the 6th as Felipe Lopez steps up. And even though Lopez's single makes them 2 for 2, we're burning through resources like Peabody. On the plus side, we are now one hit away from cheap donuts. It will be interesting to see if Krispy Kreme gets a better reception than our relief pitchers.

7th Top- Kyle McClellan tears through the Mariners. His era is 2.40. Why are people in St. Louis upset with him? I guess relief pitching is like customer service, no one ever complains when you're doing a good job.

7th Bottom- There's a new graphic display for the scoreboard titled the "Spray Chart". That's unfortunate.

8th Top- Is it safe to give free Odoul's to DD's? Assuming the amount of alcohol contained is comparable to the amount of rat crap in cereal, does that make it safe to consume? Lopez turns a ball up the middle quicker than an earlier Schumaker attempt. I guess he is a better defender.

8th Bottom- Wagering on the pinch hitter. Winn or Miles? Looks like Mr. Oldham is 3 for 3. However, Winn grounds out to 3rd and the pinch hitters are now 2 for 3. Looks like we're not getting donuts.

9th Top- Ryan Franklin records his 12th save of the season. Despite giving up a 9th inning homer he still has a 1.86 ERA for the season. On the shuttle back to the car multiple fans voice their opinions on Franklin: "He scares me", "he's only good with a 2 run lead". I stand corrected. People do complain when you do a good job.

Sporty McBloggin's One Game a Day to DVR from the World Cup: June 16-20

W. H. — Tue, 15 Jun 2010 03:01:00 GMT

As we get into the mid-section of the group stage there are some days full of multiple games of importance. In fact, almost every day we mention a second game that will either be decisive for the group or features an impressive team.

Day 6 – Wednesday June 16

South Africa v Uruguay

While watching the dynamic Spaniards dismantle Switzerland is tempting, this match will help decide a more balanced group. Everyone in Group A tied in their first go around. Now Uruguay will have to try and steal some points against the home team. There's a significant advantage for South Africa, a team many believe to be the weakest hosts ever. During the Mexico match the stadium seemed electric. That atmosphere is the reason why the World Cup host nation has never failed to advance to the second round. Will Forlan and Suarez be able to communicate well enough to open up the inferior South African defense? Will Stephen Pienaar and Bafana Bafana be able to ride the wave of support to another draw? Or even victory?

What to watch for:

- Forlan and Suarez. These two forwards are the key to Uruguay's World Cup hopes. In any other situation they would probably dismantle South Africa's defense. But with the ultimate home-field advantage, they may find it too difficult to coordinate an attack.

- The home crowd. It will get loud. Be happy you're watching from home.

Day 7 - Thursday June 17

Argentina v South Korea

We don't want to be too heavy on one group, so well take a pass on France v Mexico though it should be exciting. Group B's leaders: Argentina and South Korea have opposing strengths. The striker heavy Argentina will attempt to defend with possession and offense, as they did against Nigeria. The reserved South Koreans play a defensive disciplined style with, as Greece found out, a dangerous counter attack. The winner of this match will end up in first place in the group. It will be interesting to see if South Korea can frustrate Maradona's squad and force them into a tactical mistake.

What to watch for:

- Park Ji-Sung. If you've ever wondered why Alex Ferguson loves starting Park in the Champions League, you got your answer when he scored against Greece. If South Korea is planning on taking the group, they'll need this Manchester United midfielder to weave some more of his clutch magic.

- Can Lionel Messi owned the match against Nigeria. Yet Argentina only mustered 1 goal, despite starting Messi, Carlos Tevez and Gonzalo Higuian up front. Maradona knows (at least we think he does) that Messi is his key to victory in South Africa. Will he give Sergio Aguero or Diego Milito a shot at complementing Lionel's brilliance?

Day 8 – Friday June 18

Germany v Serbia

We'll assume you'll be already be watching US v Slovenia. A game which features an underdog leading their group (Slovenia) versus a higher ranked opponent who tied the group's best squad (US). And although the US predicament sounds similar, Serbia is in far more trouble. Serbia was a favorite to surprise in the World Cup after winning a tough qualifying group featuring France, Romania, and Austria. But in their first game they failed to secure a point. Now they must defeat Germany. Because if Ghana wins against Australia, Serbia could be eliminated before their final match.

What to watch for:

- German forwards. Lukas Podolski and Miroslav Klose looked 5 years younger against the Australian defense. The younger Germans capitalized once the Socceroos went down a man. How will they fare against a sturdier, Nemanja Vidic led, defense?

- Serbian attack. The Serbians struggled when presenting with opportunities against Ghana. They will have to prove more accurate versus Philip Lahm and the German D, whom didn't have to exert too much effort against Austrailia.

Day 9 – Saturday June 19

Netherlands v Japan

Japan made themselves a contender for Group E by knocking off Cameroon in their first match. Now they'll use their defensive approach against the attacking Dutch. Both squads come into this game tied for the lead with 3 points in this deceptively strong group. The Netherlands are favored to win, but the Japanese may clog the passing lanes and stymie their creativity. Although it's tempting to think that the Japanese may play for a tie, the fear of losing on a late goal will probably too strong to ignore. If Denmark secures a victory against Cameroon and Japan loses, it sets up a tough match for the Samurai Blue.

What to watch for:

- Midfield. In order to stop the momentum of the Dutch attack the Japanese will need to halt the Orange's ridiculously high passing percentage. If the Japanese let Sneijder, Van der Vaart and company control the tempo, they won't be able to keep the Dutch away from net for long.

- Dutch defense. If the Dutch have a weak spot, it's on the back line. Japan may be forced to play on the defensive the entire match, but with a couple good counters they could exploit the Orange backline.

Day 10 – Sunday June 20

Brazil v Ivory Coast

Two of the powers from the “Group of Death” will be tangling on Sunday. Powerhouse Brazil displays supreme talent at all aspects of the game. The Ivory Coast is the most talented side on the continent, but they're dealing with an injury to star striker Didier Drogba. Brazil will be favored to win, but it won't be easy. The Toures on Ivory Coast's backline will prove tough for the Brazillian forwards to deal with. And if Drogba can go full strength, he's more than capable of reeking havoc, even on one of the best defenses in the game.

What to watch for:

- Will Brazil miss the experience of Ronaldinho? Robinho, Fabiano, and company, are a hard group to find fault with. But against a tough opponent a little experience could have gone a long way.

- Drogba vs the Inter Milan 3. Drogba is usually the type of player who can make his presence felt against any opponent, no matter how strong. However, he struggled to do so in the UEFA Champions League against Inter Milan. Now, with a broken arm, he'll be forced to match up against Lucio, Maicon, and Julio Cesar again.

Running Diary USA v England

W. H. — Sat, 12 Jun 2010 20:42:25 GMT

Here we are FIFA's #8 v #14. The battle of 1776. The revenge of 1950. Thank you ABC/ESPN for giving us Martin Tyler, but why'd you stick him with John Harkes? Is that the best we have as far as soccer annoucers in the US? We haven't yet made it as a soccer nation.

Carlos Bocanerga knows the National anthem better than most of the squad. Also, how come no one every told me that "My Country Tis of Thee" is a straight plagerism of the non-Sex Pistols version of "God Save the Queen"?

1' The US is falling all over themselves. Is it the field (or pitch as Chris Fowler likes to call it)? FIFA says you can't wear metal studs. But diamond studs are cool as long as you have a fauxhawk or possibly eyeliner.

3' Gerrard shows John Terry that the English can remain elegant whilst tapping home balls in the box. Beautiful pass. Where was Onyewu? Clark was last US defender. Demerit & Bocanegra looked surprised that Gerrard was walking right past them.

8' First reaction. Findley & Onyewu will be first players subbed out for America.

13' Three corners in a row & nothing for the US.

15' My new favorite soccer-ism "stick it in the danger area". Thanks John Harkes. Insert Eric Wynalda/Harkes' wife jokes here.

19' US defense lets England slip by again. Luckily they were able to get in front of that groud cross without tapping it into their own net.

22' The way Rooney runs after every ball, the US may want to keep 2 defenders back at all times

24' England's central defenders show US how to stop the center-back splitting forward pass in the box: i.e. Don't get out of position.

25' Milner has look sloppy & out of place all game. He'll be subbed at half..

26' I've changed my tune on Onyewu. He's too valuable on set pieces to be subbed. But Findley is ineffective and will be gone at half.

27' Again England shows their dangerous speed vs America's tendency to get out of position in the back.

28' Tim Howard shows why he's the most valuable player on US... Then goes down hurt. This is not good. No other goalie could deal this sloppy backline..

30' Well I was right about Milner getting subbed, wrong about when. Wright-Phillips is on for him now. Cappelo doesn't handle failure well.

33' Wright-Phillips immediately displays his speed on the wing. Takes the back on a run around the corner & threds the pass into the front of the box. Milner may not see another start this tourney.

34' Note to US defense. See how England got 6 guys back against that counter?

38' Donovan makes a decent strike. But look at how England constantly clogs the middle in front of the box. 3 guys in front of Altidore & him.

39' Robert Green may not see another start either. Dempsey knew he'd have to make a difference for US to win (and he's the best attacker they have). Bet he didn't think it'd be that easy. For good measure Fulham's better than West Ham. Also Green would be a lousy infielder but a great bullfighter. "What's this Ole' bullshit"

40' No time for love Dr. Jones. England counters before US can fully celebrate. Howard bails out his country agan.

42' Martin Tyler is class. "You buy a ticket, sometimes you win the raffle"

43' Beckham & his hair are both glancing off to the right, very distraught-like.

44' The rims of Fabio Capello's glasses look upset.

46' Altidore works Gerrard for a throw-in. Gerrard's only mistake of the night. He kept that in for England, the captain's been everywhere. Frank Lampard who?

2ND HALF

Stepped outside and missed the news on substitutes. Looks like Findley's still in. Hmmmm.

46' DeMerit. Handball. Yellow card. 2 US defenders with cards.

48' Was that luck or skill by the US D? That ball just went across the box straight to DeMerit.

49' Hopefully Dempsey didn't hurt himself too bad. US's two best offensive forces are outside midfieler/wingers (Donovan/Dempsey). Their strikers haven't been a factor at all.

50' Remain calm Rooney. Don't get stupid yellows for yelling at refs. Save your yellows for when the bigger teams are harrassing you.

51' Howard has a big bucket. And just keeps bailing his defenders out.

53' England offsides again. They're going forward almost too aggresively in the second half. They should keep back. They're talented enough to exploit the open holes (especially John Terry. Bam).

58' Again, the US left/right backs are too wide. If that ball didn't bounce to Howard that could have been dangerous.

59' Carragher come on. You don't need to be that aggressive to stop an MLS player.

60' Back to back Liverpudlian fouls. Just like the good ol' days of Red players. Gerrard was just reckless there. He's better than that, that's too close to goal to let Donovan take a free.

61' Bad angle Carlos. He should have stepped out of the way there and let a striker try to do some damage.

62' Lampard show up for the first time. Good space, good shot. Howard again.. Apparently for the US to beat a top team, he has to make 20 saves.

64' Oh Jozy! That's what Hull City wanted from you. Using the linebacker size, speed, & strength to beat the defense and then your skill to turn it into a wide open shot. Green won't get any credit for that back home due to his earlier mistake, but it was brilliant.

66' Great movement and passing by England. This is how they should be using their talents against weak US midfield/defense. Posses them to death and win makeable free kicks.

69' Rooney, Rooney, Rooney. He's getting furious. The mosquitos must be getting to him.

72' Really ref? After all you've called, you let Carragher get away with mugging Findley again. That should be a second yellow. In fairness to Findley, that was a great run. The US needs forwards with speed, he should do that more ofter.

73' Rooney again. Damn he's dangerous.

74' Howard again with the bucket. Now the wide backs for the US are too far in.

75' Rooney's almost got this game in his hand. Howard can't keep this up.

76' I've wondered why Heskey was in all game. Crouch would have put that cross in. DeMerit can't match up with the top strikers.

77' Findley was subbed. I'm 2 for 2.

78' Capello saw what I saw & I didn't need the rims. Crouch on for Heskey. Crouch adds a nightmare target for the out of position US backs to defend.

80' Crouch should gravitate to the other side. Onyewu can handle his height..

82' Dempsey seems to be having some trouble staying upright. He's been all over the field playing physically. But did he learn some tricks from his Europa League experience.

83' England with a 4 on 2 break. America lucks out again. Onyewu was brilliant defending Lampard.

85' Altidore doesn't want to come off. Can't blame him. Is Bradley moving Dempsey up? Holden shouldn't be striking.

90' Donovan & Beckham exchanged pleasanties before the match. Donovan admires his hair. Beckham admires Donovan's sash.

91' Crouch is "awkward" according to Martin Tyler. It seems like height discrimination with how he gets used for cards by shorter players. He gets carded for PWT: Playing While Tall

92' Yeah Clint, you're not going to fool Green twice with that stuff.

93' Bradley tried to sub late in order to delay until the whistle. It worked, the game was called before the sub came on.

REFLECTIONS

- Ruud Gillit called it 1-1

- Playing devil's advocate here. This draw could hurt the US if Slovenia or Algeria take away 3 points in their match tomorrow. Someone could have a jumpstart on the lead and if the US struggles to beat both, they could fail.

- Still a tie against England is a great result.

- Cappelo made a tactical mistake by not declaring a starting goalie. It's too psycologically damaging to inexperienced palyers to do that. Tony LaRussa once ruined Rick Ankiel's pitching career by being coy like that.

SportyMcBloggin's One Game a Day to DVR from the World Cup: June 11-15

W. H. — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 10:58:00 GMT

The World Cup is starting on Friday and the first 2 weeks (or fortnight as they call it across the pond) will be packed with games from the group stage. For soccer fans, this is the equivalent of the NCAA tournament first round, only each team gets three games to display their prowess. In a straight knockout tournament the first round wouldn't be much different for teams like Brazil (who would win) or New Zealand (who wouldn't). But for middle of the pack teams, like the United States, the extra games allotted by the round-robin style are vital. Because even though they should struggle against a stronger team like England, they probably will be able to pick up some points against Algeria and Slovenia in order to advance to the next round.

The amount of games over the 15 days of the tournament may be too overwhelming for some soccer newbies to absorb. Especially those Americans sitting around waiting for the next U.S. Match. They may know that Italy, Germany, and Brazil tend to excel at soccer. But they may not be intrigued by some of the less established footballing countries like Australia or Cameroon. Will the ratings in America struggle due to lack of interest, or the fact that most games will be played during work hours? It's a distinct possibility, so we at SportyMcBloggin present our “One Game A Day to DVR” guide.

Also be sure to check out our preview of the World Cup:

Groups A-D
Groups E-H
The Knockout Rounds

Day 1 - Friday June 11

Uruguay v France

Although the opening match between the hosts (South Africa) and Mexico is tempting, this game provides a star studded matchup of two former World Cup champions. France finished 2^nd at the last Cup and won on their home soil in 1998. Uruguay is a 2-time champ but hasn't finished in the top 4 since 1970. France entered this tournament using a blatant handball by superstar Theirry Henry in the final qualifier against Ireland. Uruguay also slipped into the tournament with a victory over Costa Rica in the final knockout qualifier for CONMEBOL and CONCACAF.

Uruguay features forwards Diego Forlan (Atletico Madrid) and Luis Suarez (Ajax) two of the most sought after goal scorers in Europe. Their scoring prowess should help balance out Uruguay's traditional physical play. France may be one of the older teams at this tournament, (Theirry Henry was on the '98 Championship squad) but they do have some young potential heroes. Goaltender Hugo Lloris (Lyon) could end up being the best keeper at the tournament, and midfielder Yoann Gourcuff (Bordeaux) should display some of the play making flair that's made him a transfer target for the biggest clubs in the game.

What to watch for:

- Forlan and Suarez v the French defense and Lloris. Many French defenders are very offensive minded (Evra, Clichy, Sagna) and could leave themselves open to counter-attack.

- Franck Ribery. Will Ribery (arguably one of the top 10 players in the world) use the cup to channel his aggression from his recent scandals? Will he have to win games by himself or will aging stars Henry and Nicolas Anelka maximize the opportunities he provides them with?

Day 2 - Saturday June 12

England v United States

You'll only hear this story 1500 more times before this game. England didn't enter the first 3 World Cups because they thought they were too good to play with the rest of the world. In 1950 they finally entered the tournament and in their second match they lost to the United States. Following that they were promptly eliminated at the end of the1^st round. In their World Cup history the “inventors” of the game have only claimed 1 title, on their home turf in 1966.

This time around England are one of the favorites. They feature a Premier League All-Star team including Wayne Rooney (Man U), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Frank Lampard , Ashley Cole, and John Terry (Chelsea), plus five starters from Tottenham Hotspur. Meanwhile the United States boasts a few Premier League talents of its own: Clint Dempsey (Fulham), Tim Howard (Everton), Jozy Altidore (Hull City via loan from Villareal), Jonathan Spector (West Ham), Stuart Holden (Bolton). The Americans don't have the caliber of talent starring in the EPL that England has, but this could be the most internationally experienced US team ever.

What to watch for:

- Wayne Rooney making an Onyewu-less U.S. team look like traffic cones.

- Tim Howard using his Premier League experience to bail out his country as best he can.

Day 3 – Sunday June 13

Serbia v Ghana

This matchup should decide the 2nd advancement spot in Group D. It's a distinct possibility that once the tournament is over, we will look back on D as the true "Group of Death". Ghana is without their star, Michael Essien. Yet they're still a formidable opponent who survived the 1st round four years ago. With Serbian coach Milovan Rajevac behind the bench, they may be able to better adapt to his home country's strategy.

Serbia could be the strongest member of Group D and they'll be looking to open strong against Ghana. With a good outing in this match, it will take the pressure off of them in their next game against Germany. Nemanja Vidic may be the epitome of their squad, but Marko Pantelic and the other forwards will need to weave some magic to put them ahead.

What to watch for:

- Serbia's crushing defense. Vidic and Branislave Ivanovic lead a powerhouse backline that should keep an Essien-less Ghana away from goal.

- Can Asamoah Gyan (Rennes) lead Ghana on attack. The team has championship experience, having just finished 2nd in the African Cup of Nations. But can they step up without their go-to-guy.

Day 4 – Monday June 14

Italy v Paraguay

The top 2 teams in Group F are the defending champs, Italy, and an underrated South American side. In recent matches, Paraguay has found ways to score multiple goals against solid defenses (Ivory coast, Greece). However they struggled offensively in qualifying, relying on their defense to pull them through. They'll need Cristian Riveros (Sunderland) and Roque Santa Cruz (Manchester City) to display some game-breaking moves in order to penetrate the Italian defense.

Much of this match will be decided at midfield. Both teams are strong in possesion But the key for Italy should be some offense provided by Andrea Pirlo (AC Milan) or Antonio Di Natale (Udinese) with the excellent goalkeeping of Gianluigi Buffon (Juventus). The Azzuri shine on D, and their offense will be enough to win.

What to watch for:

- Buffon will be a brick wall. It's not that Paraguay can't score, it's just that it will take spectacular luck against this strong Italian squad.

- The battle at midfield. Pirlo, De Rossi, Gattuso vs. Riveros Barreto, Santana.

Day 5 – Tuesday June 15

Ivory Coast v Portugal

Currently these 2 teams are in the consensus "Group of Death" with Brazil and North Korea. By the end of this tournament, Groups A or D may prove to be stronger. But for now, as long as Didier Drogba (Chelsea)can play, these teams are stacked. Ivory Coast's key man, Drogba, has a broken arm. Portugal winger Nani has withdrawn with a collar bone injury. And there still will be enough star power on the field to make this a can't miss game.

Portugal's Cristiano Ronaldo is a top 5 player in the world. Drogba is as well. Both teams continue to get stronger as you examine the midfield and defense. Barring a future upset of Brazil, this match should decide the 2nd place team of this group. Defense may be at a premium here. If Didier can play, don't be surprised with a 4-3 final. But it he's just taking up space, Portugal may run away with this match and the Ivory Coast may not recover in this cup.

What to watch for:

- Cristiano Ronaldo is remarkable at almost everything he does: shooting, dribbling, free kicks, passing, nailing reality show celebrities, flopping. If he's in form, you don't want to miss a chance to see him on the pitch.

- The Toure's, Yaya and Kolo, are great defenders for Ivory Coast. They're both done battle with Ronaldo before and that experience may be what they need to push their team ahead.

Parts II and III coming soon.
Be sure to check out our preview of the World Cup:

Groups A-D
Groups E-H
The Knockout Rounds

World Cup Preview: Knockout Rounds

W. H. — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 00:50:00 GMT

Depending on how you see the group stages unfolding the knockout stages could be altered. We're sticking with our guts and seeding our preview based on our bold claims. Of course our claims aren't very bold, we're big fans of top-tied European and South American schooled players. If we ignore a few confused coaches, Domenech & Maradona, so be it. Regardless of how the groups sort themselves out, 2 top contenders with little World Cup success, Spain and England, will have brutal roads to the championship game.

Second Round

France v South Korea
Pure talent vs pure discipline. No matter who wins here, they'll be falling in the next round. Still, we've stuck with France this long based on pure potential. Despite their bumbling coach they open up South Korea's defense and find a way to win without using their hands.
Winner: France

England v Serbia
If England had a choice they'd probably want to meet the Germans here instead of the brick wall defense of Serbia. With club teammate Nemanja Vidic giving away his tendencies, Wayne Rooney is forced to change his steamrolling mentality. His expert passing and cool head prevail.
Winner: England

Netherlands v Paraguay
As long as the Dutch can top their group they should get a winnable 2^nd round match. Paraguay has enough talent to survive the group, but they will struggle to respond offensively if the Netherlands gets ahead.
Winner: Netherlands

Brazil v Chile
More than likely the 5-time champs will open against South American rival Chile. They met twice in qualifying and Brazil won by a combined score of 7-2. Nothing will change here.
Winner: Brazil

Argentina v Uruguay
Another South American rematch places the final 2 teams in from CONMEBOL qualifying against each other. Argentina bested Uruguay in home-away qualifying matches. Lionel Messi proves to mobile for Uruguay's heavy hitters to line up.
Winner: Argentina

Germany v United States
Landon Donovan has something to prove to Germany. Perhaps it's wishful thinking, but the Germans' already injured squad will be exhausted by their exceptionally difficult group stage. The U.S. can stop technical play (see Spain) but struggle against creative attacking flair (see Brazil, Netherlands). The U.S. Sneaks past and Tim Howard becomes a senator in 2012.
Winner: United States (I'll go see a doctor and get that checked out)

Italy v Cameroon
The more we think about it, the more we regret picking Cameroon to advance to the knockouts. Will Samuel Eto'o's antics wear on his locker room? While supremely talented and experienced, but picking the Indomitable Lions against a Marcelo Lippi team would be foolish.
Winner: Italy

Spain v Portugal
Cristiano Ronaldo and Pepe meet up with a few of their club teammates. Ronaldo will be the best player on the pitch, but he won't be enough. Spain's too smart to risk giving away any close free kicks. Especially when their back four, and precise passing can relegate Portugal to a 1-man team.
Winner: Spain

Quarterfinals

England v France
Rooney goes back to steamrolling and runs through the French D like he runs through Arsenal's (half of them play for Arsenal anyway). Hugo Lloris does his best, but he can stop what he can't reach.
Winner: England

Brazil v Netherlands
It's tempting to pick the Dutch here, but Brazil's new strategy of playing defense will stymie their opponents. Dunga has changed the mindset of the Canariho, and the Netherlands will not be able to stop the Brazil forwards on a counter-attack.
Winner: Brazil

Argentina v United States
Remember when we said that the U.S. struggles against attacking flair? Maradona starts 4 forwards and defeats America 6-2 as he continues to blur the lines of sanity.
Winner: Argentina

Spain v Italy
This matchup of traditional European powers would be epic. The Italians are always World Cup contenders, the Spanish are historically disappointing. The winds finally change as the aging Italian side is worn down by the constantly shifting, possessive form of Spain.
Winner: Spain

Semifinals

England v Brazil
With key defender and captain Rio Ferdinand on the roster, England could survive this match. But without him the Three Lions' weakness in goal will be exposed by the Brazilian attack. England will find themselves unable to fend off the Brazilian counter-attacks.
Winner: Brazil

Argentina v Spain
Maradona's magic will be attributed to a “luck of the draw” after this match. When his squad needs a manager to make quick tactical shifts against a stronger side, Maradona will be unable to out think Vincete del Bosque. Lionel Messi's Barcelona teammates will prove a complete team always trumps a dominant offense.
Winner: Spain

Third Place Game

Argentina v England
Ah the battle for the Falklands. This looks like a perfect set up for Argentina, a potent offense against a questionable goaltender with a top defender out. However, England is stronger at midfield, and even without Rio Ferdinand they still are superior to Argentina's backline. Possibly a high-scoring affair with the Three Lions getting their first top 3 spot in 44 years.
Winner: England

Final

Brazil v Spain
This is the dream matchup. Two sides guided by technical coaches, with players waiting to show their flair for attack. More Barcelona teammates battling each other, as Daniel Alves challenges the majority of his club's starting lineup. But the Real Madrid factor may be the key here. It all comes back to the Galacticos, just like in our UEFA Champion's Final Preview. Real Madrid have not experienced the run of success they had under Vincente del Bosque since he was fired by Fiorentino Perez. After Madrid exiles met for the Champion's League title, this wold continue the run of bad karma experienced by the “richest club in the world”. Brazil's counter-attack will never get a chance to break, as the Spanish maintain control of the ball. It will be a midfield battle in which Spain will find the way to advance.
Winner: Spain

World Cup Preview Group Stage E-H

W. H. — Thu, 10 Jun 2010 02:56:00 GMT

Group E – Netherlands, Denmark, Japan, Cameroon

Netherlands

Mexico may be known as underachievers in the World Cup, but the Netherlands are historic for their ineptitude. Despite having a strong domestic league and players who experience success throughout Europe, the Dutch have only claimed one major title (Euro 1988). The Orange are hoping to change things this year with their stacked roster that went won every game during qualifying. Their last 4 friendlies have resulted in wins and no one doubts their offensive flair. The only question for the Netherlands is how much they'll miss Edwin van de Sar, their most capped international and greatest goaltender.

Star Power: Arjen Robben, Mark van Bommel (Bayern Munich), Wesley Sneijder, (Inter Milan), Klaas-Jan Huntelaar (AC Milan), Robin van Persie (Arsenal), Dirk Kuyt (Liverpool), Rafael van der Vaart (Real Madrid), Maarten Stekelenburg, Gregory van der Wiel (Ajax), Nigel de Jong (Manchester City), Giovanni van Bronckhorst (Feyenoord)

Japan

To say that Japan is limping into the World Cup may be too harsh. But they've dropped 4 straight friendlies against cup class opponents by a grand total of 9-1. They've won 3 Asian Cups in the last 18 years. Yet the only time they're advanced past the round-robin stage in the World Cup was when they were hosts in 2002. This draw should prove too tough for them. Although, their match against the Netherlands should prove to be the ultimate demonstration of dynamic offense vs immovable defense.

Star Power: Yasuhito Endo (Gamba Osaka), Makoto Hasebe (Wolfsburg), Shunsuke Nakamura (Yokohama), Takayuki Morimoto (Catania)

Denmark

The Danes have claimed a Euro championship in 1992, a Confederations Cup in 1995, plus several Olympic medals. And although this is only their 4th World Cup appearance, they've always made it to the knockout rounds. They were a surprise winner in a tough qualifying group that included Portugal, Sweden and Hungary. Yet, like group-mates Japan, Denmark has struggled of late. Since many Danes play in the Eredivise, it will be interesting to see if their familiarity with the Dutch players gives them an advantage in their match against the Netherlands.

Star Power: Nicklas Bendtner (Arsenal), Thomas Sorensen (Stoke City), Jon Dahl Tomasson (Feyenoord), Daniel Agger (Liverpool), Dennis Rommedahl (Ajax)

Cameroon

The draw provided this experienced squad with the best shot and winning a group. The top seeded Dutch are traditionally paper lions. And although Japan and Denmark are more cohesive units, Cameroon has the more talent-rich side. They were only the second African country to win a gold medal in Olympic soccer when they claimed the title a decade ago. The only question for them is whether Samuel Eto'o will have to carry the team and the nation.

Star Power: Samuel Eto'o (Inter Milan), Alexandre Song (Arsenal), Jean Makoun (Lyon), Achille Emana (Real Betis), Geremi Njitap (Ankaragucu), Idriss Kameni (Espanyol)

Best Match: Netherlands v Japan (June 19)

Who's Advancing: Netherlands, Cameroon

Group F – Italy, Paraguay, New Zealand, Slovakia

Italy

The defending champs have the experience and the tradition. They've won 4 World Cups and only once failed to qualify for the tournament. The Azzuri are hoping the form they showed during qualification can be regained, as their recent efforts have been second-best. With champion coach Marcelo Lippi at the helm, it should just a matter of execution for one of the oldest teams in the tournament. The group stage should be a formality, the question is whether this veteran squad will have any gas in the tank for a tough 2nd round and beyond.

Star Power: Andre Pirlo, Gennaro Gattuso, Gianluca Zambrotta (AC Milan), Gianluigi Buffon, Mauro Camoranesi, Vincenzo Iaquinta, Giorgio Chiellini (Juventus), Fabio Cannavaro (Al-Ahli), Daniel De Rossi (Roma), Antonio Di Natale (Udinese)

Paraguay

In a close CONMEBOL qualifying campaign, Paraguay finished 3rd behind Brazil and Chile. Sadly their strongest striker Salavador Cabanas will miss the World Cup after being shot in the head. Without him the Guaranies have remained in decent shape, coming away with 2 wins and 2 draw in their last 5 warmups. As long as the team can remain strong after a tough opener against Italy, Paraguay has the talent to do damage in the knockout rounds.

Star Power: Roque Santa Cruz (Manchester City), Oscar Cardoza (Benifica), Justo Vilar (Valladolid), Christian Riveros (Sunderland just transferred fro Cruz Azul)

New Zealand

This will be the 2nd World Cup for New Zealand and they'll be hoping to gain their first point in this competition. Not much is expected from the Kiwis. Their qualifying group consisted of Fiji, New Caledonia and a knockout tie with Bahrain. Other than a fluke win against Serbia, their last 5 friendlies have all been losses. It could have been a worse draw for New Zealand. Unless they have some tricks hidden up their sleeves they'll become fodder for a goal differential battle.

Star Power: Chris Killen (Middlesbrough), Ryan Nelson (Blackburn), Ivan Vicelich (Auckland City)

Slovakia

There aren't a lot of name players for this 1st time cup team. With a lucky draw in Europe, they were able to rise to the top of their qualifying group. As an added bonus they defeated former countrymen the Czech Republic. The Czech's had succeeded in World Cup qualification 4 years prior. Just like Paraguay, Slovakia be hoping that a good result against New Zealand could break any tie and put them through to the next round.

Star Power: Martin Skrtel (Liverpool), Marek Hamsik (Napoli), Robert Vittek (Lille)

Best Match: Paraguay v Italy (June 14)

Who's Advancing: Italy, Paraguay

Group G – Brazil, Portugal, Ivory Coast, North Korea

Brazil

Winners of 5 out of 18 World Cups, the Brazilians are often reffered to as the Yankees/Red Wings/Celtics/Steelers of international soccer. They are a favorite at any tournament, and despite drawing the "group of death", they know they'll remain untouched until the knockouts. It's been 44 years since the Canariho haven't survived the opening stage. Even though coach Dunga left some of the best players in the world at home (Ronaldinho, Pato, Marcelo, Adriano), Brazil still has more talent on his bench than most squads have combined.

Star Power: Maicon, Lucio, Julio Cesar (Inter Milan) Daniel Alves (Bacelona), Robinho (Manchester City on loan to Santos), Luis Fabiano (Sevilla), Kaka (Real Madrid), Thiago Silva (AC Milan), Nilmar (Villareal), Grafite (Wolfsburg)

Portugal

Portugal has looked good in their recent warmups. However the competition they've faced doesn't resemble the likes of Brazil or Ivory Coast. In the last decade they've experienced some of their greatest performances with a 4th place World Cup finish in 2006, plus a 3rd and 2nd place finish in the Euros (2000 and 2004 respectively). Superstar, and top 3 world player (in soccer and celebrity dating), Cristiano Ronaldo will be the driving force behind Portugal. With their other winger Nani ruled out, Ronaldo will be forced to carry the offense. For a country looking to build on its recent success, surviving the 1st round should be their main focus.

Star Power: Cristiano Ronaldo, Pepe (Real Madrid), Ricardo Carvalho, Deco, Paulo Ferreira (Chelsea), Bruno Alves, Raul Meireles (Porto), Simao, Tiago (Atletico Madrid)

Ivory Coast

This is the second straight World Cup that the Ivory Coast has drawn the toughest group. Last time around they were forced to go up against Argentina, Serbia and the Netherlands. Although they may be the most talented team from the continent of Africa, their fate rests in the hands of a man with a broken arm. If Didier Drogba cannot play, the Ivory Coast will not survive the group stage. And if he can play... they still may not survive.

Star Power: Didier Drogba, Salomon Kalou (Chelsea), Yaya Toure (Barcelona), Kolo Toure (Manchester City), Emmanuel Eboue (Arsenal), Didier Zokara, Romaric (Sevilla)

North Korea

44 years ago, North Korea finished 8th at the World Cup. They haven't qualified since. To say that's about all anyone knows about this squad would be an astute observation. They survived qualification by edging our Saudi Arabia on goal differential. Since March they've played 7 friendlies against decent opponents. North Korea has lost 4 and drawn 3 of those.

Star Power: ?

Best Match: Portugal v Ivory Coast (June 15)

Who's Advancing: Brazil, Portugal

Group H – Spain, Chile, Honduras, Switzerland

Spain

The defending Euro champs are the most fearsomely talented squad in the World Cup. Every starter could make a claim at being the best in the world at his position (and most of them would be right). Everyone knows at this point about Spain's struggles in this tournament. By only finishing in the top 4 once, they are more tragic than the Dutch (who have 2 finals appearances). But if one man could guide this talented squad past the ghosts of their failings it's Vincente del Bosque, the coach who twice took Real Madrid to Champions League glory before the Galacticos.

Star Power: Everyone... Iker Casillas, Xabi Alonso, Sergio Ramos, Raul Albiol (Real Madrid), Gerard Pique, Carlos Puyol, Andres Iniesta, David Villa, Xavi, Victor Valdes, Sergio Busquets, Pedro Rodriguez (Barcelona), Cesc Fabregas (Arsenal), Fernando Torres, Pepe Reina (Liverpool), David Silva (Valencia), Jesus Navas (Sevillia), Joan Capdevila (Villareal)

Chile

South America is possibly the toughest qualifying group. Although usually over half of the teams get into the World Cup, strong teams can slip up due to the level playing field of the competition. Chile has missed the last 2 cups, but finished 2nd to Brazil in this qualifying. With an Argentine at the helm, Chile will be looking to do something they've only done twice in 7 attempts, advance to the 2nd round.

Star Power: Humberto Suazo (Real Zaragoza), Jorge Valdivia (Al-Ain), Matias Fernandez (Sporting), Rodrigo Tello (Besiktas), Pablo Contreras (PAOK)

Honduras

The Hondurans were the last CONCACAF team into the tournament thanks to goal differential. The draw puts them at the bottom of the group, but luckily no one will be defeating Spain. As long as Honduras can claim their first ever World Cup victory against Chile or Switzerland, they could be headed into the knockout round.

Star Power: David Suazo (Genoa), Wilson Palacios (Tottenham), Amado Guevara (Motagua)

Switzerland

The Swiss stole a grand opportunity by winning their qualifying group. It was the weakest in Europe, but nonetheless it got them into their second straight World Cup. In Germany, in 2006, they survived the group stage. They have a decent shot of doing that in South Africa, but their recent form has been poor. German coach Ottmar Hitzfield is a 2-tiem UEFA Champions League winner like his opponent del Bosque, but he'll have his hands full without the talent of del Bosque's Spain.

Star Power: Diego Benaglio (Wolfsburg), Alexander Frei (FC Basel), Valon Behrami (West Ham)

Best Match: Chile v Honduras (June 16)

Who's Advancing: Spain, Chile

World Cup Preview Group Stage A-D

W. H. — Wed, 09 Jun 2010 01:55:00 GMT

Group A - South Africa, France, Mexico, Uruguay

South Africa

The host's group may be the most evenly balanced of the tournament. France, Mexico and Uruguay may be stronger sides, but South Africa will have the home-field advantage to boost their squad. Since the first round of the World Cup has been a group stage, every host country has advanced to the second round. Premier League veterans Stephen Pienaar (Everton) and Aaron Mokoena (Portsmouth) will not want South Africa to become the exception to the rule. However the hosts must overcome star-studded squads and the lack of their all-time scorer, Benni McCarthy, in order to survive the round-robin.

Star Power: Stephen Pienaar, Bernard Parker (FC Twente)

France

It may have taken a slight of hand trick for France to advance to the World Cup, but that doesn't mean they don't deserve to be there. Despite recently failings against weak competition (China & Tunisia), they still are the most talented side in Group A. Les Bleus are an All-Europe squad that managed to lose only 1 match in qualifying, and defeated their group champion Serbia 2-1. They finished 2^nd in the last World Cup and won the title in '98.

Star Power: Franck Ribery (Bayern Munich), Eric Abidal, Theirry Henry (Barcelona), Patrick Evra (Manchester United), William Gallas, Barcary Sagna (Arsenal), Hugo Lloris, Jeremy Toulahan (Lyon), Yoann Gourcuff (Bordeaux), Nicolas Anelka, Florent Malouda (Chelsea)

Mexico

Mexico are historic underachievers in the World Cup, they've never made it past the quarterfinals. It may be due to the fact that many of their players have little experience outside the Mexican Primera Division. Or perhaps it's part of a North American curse caused by the U.S. Finishing 3^rd in 1930 (seriously, can't even make that up). Mexico struggled at the beginning of qualification, but new coach Javier Aguirre righted the ship and guided them to their 5th straight cup appearance. In 6 out their last 7 World Cups El Tri has survived the group stage, and twice, when they were hosts, advanced to the quarterfinals.

Star Power: Gerardo Terrado (Cruz Azul), Rafael Marquez (Barcelona), Carlos Salcido (PSV), Carlos Vela (Arsenal)

Uruguay

The hosts and champions of the inaugural World Cup have claimed more titles (2) than the rest of this group combined. But they haven't finished in the top 4 since 1970. Like Mexico they struggled in qualifying. And like France they were forced to play a final knockout match to secure a birth in this tournament. Also similar to France, the Uruguayan players mostly perform at clubs outside their national league. While traditionally a physical squad that draws significant fouls and cards, Uruguay features two young strikers who could add the offense it needs to advance.

Star Power: Diego Forlan (Atletico Madrid), Luis Suarez (Ajax), Jorge Fucile (FC Porto), Edinson Cavani (Palermo)

Best Match: Uruguay v Mexico (June 22)

Who's Advancing: France, Uruguay

Group B – South Korea, Greece, Nigeria, Argentina

South Korea

South Korea can play defense. In qualifying they averaged a half a goal a game surrendered. In their last 6 friendlies they've averaged the same. Recently they've defeated Ivory Coast, Ecuador and Japan (twice). Less than two weeks ago they held Spain to 1 goal. Yet, they've only reached the second round once in 7 World Cup opportunities. That was 8 years ago when they finished 4^th as the host nation.

Star Power: Park Ji-Sung (Manchester United), Park Chu-Young (Monaco), Lee-Chung-Yong (Bolton), Kim Nam-Il (Tom Tomsk)

Greece

After placing second in their UEFA group thanks to ten goals from Theofanis Gekas, the Greeks relied on a swarming defense to hold Ukraine scoreless during their final qualifying round. The last 16 years have seen the greatest success in Greece's international soccer history. Their first World Cup in 1994, a Euro championship in 2004 and this, the nation's second World Cup ever. Although they are ranked 13^th in the world by FIFA, they seem to be over matched by this underwhelming group.

Star Power: Theofanis Gekas (Eintracht Frankfurt), Georgios Samaras (Celtic), Giorgos Karagounis (Panathinaikos), Sotirios Kyrgiakos (Liverpool)

Nigeria

Another defensive side that allowed only 5 goals in 12 games of qualifying. However, the Super Eagles have a little more flair in attack and tallied 20 goals in those 12 qualifiers, plus 9 in their last 4 friendlies leading up to the cup. Like many of their continental counterparts, excluding South Africa, Nigeria's roster is stocked with talent from European club teams. That experience should be an advantage in what will be a very close battle for the second advancement spot.

Star Power: Yakubu, Joseph Yobo (Everton), Nwankwo Kanu (Portsmouth), Obafemi Martins (Wolfsburg)

Argentina

In a group that specializes in defense, Argentina is the odd man out. In fact they are the wild card for the entire tournament. They feature five of the best forwards in the World Cup: Messi, Milito, Tevez, Aguero and Higuain. But there are serious issues on defense. By leaving Esteban Cambiasso, Fabricio Coloccini and Javier Zanetti at home, Diego Maradona may have made a severe tactical mistake. Argentina has the talent to win and the potential to flop in the first round. Regardless, you will be hearing a lot about Mr. Maradona and his "coaching".

Star Power: Lionel Messi (Barcelona), Diego Milito, Walter Samuel (Inter Milan), Gonzalo Higuain (Real Madrid), Carlos Tevez (Manchester City), Sergio Aguero (Atletico Madrid), Maxi Rodriguez, Javier Mascherano (Liverpool)

Best Match: Nigeria v South Korea (June 22)

Who's Advancing: Argentina, South Korea

Group C – England, United States, Algeria, Slovenia

England

One way to judge the caliber of a national team is to examine where its players perform during the club season. If many play in leagues better than their domestic, it could be a high-caliber squad. And although the entirety of their roster remains home during club seasons, the English Premier League is currently the top division in the world. Does that fact make England the top team in the World Cup? Possibly. Regardless they are a squad to be feared. Italian coach Fabio Capello has won club titles in Spain and Italy, plus a UEFA Champions League title. But no manager has ever won a World Cup without representing his home country.

Star Power: Frank Lampard, John Terry, Joe Cole, Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United), Jermain Defoe, Peter Crouch (Tottenham), Gareth Barry (Manchester City)

United States

There was a time when the United States only fielded amateur players. There was also a time when the United States didn't qualify for the World Cup (1954-1986). But in the last two decades things have changed for America. They have a domestic league that's not broke, many of their players play professionally overseas, and they've finished second in a major international competition (2009 Confederations Cup) . The United States dominated in CONCACAF qualifying, this World Cup could be the defining moment in soccer's rise in America.

Star Power: Tim Howard (Everton), Clint Dempsey (Fulham), Landon Donovan (LA Galaxy), Oguchi Onyewu (AC Milan), DaMarcus Beasley (Rangers), Carlos Bocanegra (Rennes), Jozy Altidore (Villareal)

Algeria

Algeria is known as the roughest African team on the pitch. Luckily for the United States, who's just looking to survive the 1st round, they play Algeria last. However prospective champion England will need to watch their backs against this hard-hitting side. More than likely Algeria will struggle in what's only their 3rd World Cup. They've dropped 4 of their last 5 friendlies against cup caliber competition.

Star Power: Madjid Bougherra (Rangers), Karim Matmour (Borussia Monchengladbach)

Slovenia

Slovenia clinched a surprise invitation to their 2nd World Cup when they defeated Russia on away goals. They were a defensive juggernaut in qualifying, surrendering only 4 goals in 10 games. However, their group was fairly weak and their recent friendly victories have come against suspect opponents. Though Slovenia has only participated in FIFA competitions since 1996, they've never survived the 1st round in a major tournament.

Star Power: Milivoje Novakovic (Koln), Samir Handanovic (Udinese)

Best Match: England v United States (June 12)

Who's Advancing: England, United States

Group D – Serbia, Ghana, Germany, Australia

Serbia

The White Eagles dominated a tough group on their way to the World Cup. While besting the likes of France, Austria and Romania they allowed only 8 goals in 10 games. Their defense is fearsome and could be the best in the tournament. Other than a recent fluke against New Zealand, their form has remained dominant. They are a rising nation on the global soccer scene and this World Cup could be their coming out party.

Star Power: Marko Pantelic (Ajax), Nemanja Vidic (Manchester United), Branislav Ivanovic (Chelsea), Dejan Stankovic (Inter Milan), Milan Jovanovic (Liverpool just transferred from Standard Leige)

Ghana

Milovan Rajevac helped manage Ghana to its 2nd straight trip to the World Cup. He also guided them to the African Cup of Nations final this year. Unfortunately for the Serbian coach, Ghana's draw will put his career at odds with his home. In 2006 The Black Stars made the most of their first cup experience by winning 2 games in their group and advancing. This time around the road will be rougher. Without Chelsea star Michael Essien, Ghana may fall to the bottom of one of the tougher round-robins in South Africa.

Star Power: Kwadwo Asamoah (Udinese), Stephen Appiah (Bologna), Derek Boateng (Getafe)

Germany

A power in Europe and the world, Germany will be looking to claim their 4th World Cup title. Much like England, all of the German players spent last season in their domestic league. This gives them an advantage in terms of quickly adapting to their teammates' styles (Plus almost half of them play for Bayern Munich). Drawing this tough of a table would discourage many contenders, but more than likely the German's will be motivated since Ghana's Kevin-Prince Boateng seriously injured their captain Michael Ballack during the FA Cup final in England (funny story, Boateng's brother Jerome plays for Germany). Additionally the team's first choice goaltender committed suicide last year, and their second choice sustained a serious rib injury. Despite the setbacks, Germany is skilled enough to run away with this group and possibly the World Cup.

Star Power: Miroslav Klose, Philipp Lahm, Mario Gomez, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Thomas Muller (Bayern Munich), Lukas Podolski (Koln), Mesut Ozil, Per Mertesacker (Werder Bremen)

Australia

Surprisingly the Socceroos have only participated in 2 prior World Cups, including 2006 when they survived the 1st round. If they're going to advance passed these brutal opponents, they'll need all the help from Mark Schwarzer they can get. He's the best goalie in this group and on the short list with Lloris, Iker Casillas, and Julio Cesar, for best of the competition. But clean-sheets can only get you so far. Without goals it could be a tough road for Australia, and they lack top-tier forwards.

Star Power: Mark Schwarzer (Fulham), Tim Cahill (Everton), Brett Emerton (Blackburn), Mark Bresciano (Palermo)

Best Match: Germany v Ghana (June 23)

Who's Advancing: Germany, Serbia

Isaac Bruce: Hall of Famer

W. H. — Tue, 08 Jun 2010 04:00:00 GMT

The St. Louis Rams have done the honorable thing and reacquired Isaac Bruce so he can retire in blue and gold. “The Reverend” is without a doubt the greatest receiver in Rams history. We mean no disrespect to “Flipper”, “Crazy Legs”, or Henry Ellard by saying as much. More important to St. Louis, Isaac was the first football superstar in town since Dan Dierdorf or Roger Wehrli.

Uniformed sports-journalist-types may try to categorize Bruce as a “system” receiver (Will someone please explain that? As Gregg Easterbrook writes, “every offense is a system”) because he was a key to the greatest offensive force in the history of the game. He made 4 Pro Bowls and should have been at more. In 1995 he was overlooked despite catching 119 passes for over 1700 yards on a Chris Miller led team. The following season he finally got his due while catching 84 passes for over 1300 yards on a squad featuring Tony Banks at QB. Bruce was a St. Louis football superstar before the “Greatest Show on Turf” was conceived. And although he was hobbled by injuries, and awful teams, in his first 2 years under Dick Vermeil, he regained form and was a key player for the Rams' Super Bowl Champion squad.

Hopefully hoisting the Lombardi trophy will separate him from the potential Hall of Fame receivers ahead of him on the waiting list. “The Reverend's” career numbers place him 5^th all-time with 1,024 receptions; 2^nd with 15,208 yards; and 9^th with 91 touchdowns. Yet Cris Carter (1101 rec, 13,889 yards, 130 TD), Tim Brown (1094 rec, 14,934 yards, 100 TD), and Andre Reed (951 rec, 13,198 yards, 87 TD) are still waiting for their call from Canton. All three of them lack a Super Bowl ring, one thing that seems to matter more to Pro Football Hall of Fame voters than any career statistic.

Michael Irvin and Art Monk are two players who exemplify that characteristic of voter tendencies. Both players fall short of Carter, Brown, and Reed in almost every career receiving category. The only thing they had that distinguished their careers from those borderline Cantonites is championships. Isaac Bruce made the winning catch in Super Bowl XXXIV. If voters are consistent (Big f'n “if” there), that clutch performance should be the “Lynn Swann Factor” that pushes Bruce over the top.

It could save football in St. Louis if Marshall Faulk, Isaac Bruce, and Kurt Warner entered the Hall of Fame in the next 5-10 years. Bruce was a champion, a class act, and one of the best receivers of his generation. It's a terrific gesture for the Rams to bring him back for his final day. St. Louis missed him while he was gone. But Rams fans always remembered the greatness he brought to the fake grass of the TWA, America's Center, Ed Jones Dome.

3 Strikes: Sporty's New Baseball Column

W. H. — Thu, 03 Jun 2010 21:54:38 GMT

I've got an idea for a baseball column. And this is it, we'll just feel this out and see how it goes. Yesterday was a huge day in baseball, lets cover the big three. We'll try and keep the swearing and name calling to a minimum. Promise. We'll do what we can.

Strike One (Just testing the waters)

Let's start this off nice and friendly. Ken Griffey Jr. said goodbye to baseball yesterday, and baseball waved goodbye to the best clean hitter of the Juice Era. The Kid hit 630 homeruns off of God knows how many steroid enhanced pitchers. He saved baseball in the city of Seattle, which is more than Bud Selig ever did. And Griffey was one of the only #1 overall picks to truly live up to his hype. (In fact, the Mariners have had 3 #1 overall picks and used them on 2 future Hall of Famers and an All-Star/World Champion pitcher. For reference, the Yankees once used a #1 on Brien Taylor)

The Kid never claimed a World Series title. Yet he was a 13-time All-Star with 10 Gold Gloves. But in the end his body broke down and the former MVP's skills diminished, as it normally happens in not HGH indulged humans. He leaves the game 5th on the all-time homerun list, thankfully ahead of known cheater contemporaries such as Sosa, McGwire, Ramirez, & Palmiero. Someday soon Alex Rodriguez will pass him (ironically the other #1 overall future Hall of Famer drafted by the Seattle Mariners). We can only hope that baseball historians will separate the honest greats from those who enhanced their standing artificially. Then Griffey will stand out on the all-time lists with the true legends: Aaron, Ruth, Mays etc.

Strike Two (And our next most prestigious candidate is...)

As soon as Griffey Jr retired, Vladimir Guerrero became the most accomplished active baseball player without a World Series ring. He's an 8-time All-Star headed for his 9th. A former MVP with 7 Silver Sluggers, Vlad has known bad luck before (like when he aged 2 years in one off-season). Last year he struggled with injuries and suffered through the worst full season of his career. Worries about future injuries led everyone except the Texas Rangers to pass on him in free agency.

However, taking a batted ball off the face during batting practice was a new way to add insult to injury. In his first full season as DH Guerrero was in the top 6 in the AL in all 3 triple crown categories. He should be back in the lineup by the weekend. But still, it's another injury for a superstar who seems to be aging a bit too quickly.

Strike Three (Speaking of getting hit in the face, that call was bullshit)

Where should I begin? Armando Gallaraga threw a perfect game. There should be no dispute. We can put a man on the fucking moon, we can correct this oversight. We have the technology.

I've never been more upset about a game that I had no vested interest in. What in the hell was Jim Joyce thinking? Even if it was a tie, why would you not give the call to the pitcher who was throwing a perfect game. If you're going to blow it, don't cheat Gallaraga out of his one chance at history. I don't want to compare Gallaraga to say, Bud Smith. But there's probably no other way he's going down in the annals of baseball history.

And why was he so nice? Armando, dude, you just got raped and you're taking it better than Andy Dufresne. Can't you at least throw something? Haven't you ever seen a Jodie Foster movie? You're in Detroit, hit somebody, burn a car, no one will think the worse of you. Pull a fucking Ugueth Urbina, you just got cheated worse than Elin Nordegren Woods. Machete, golf club, it doesn't matter, grab something and swing it in anger.

At first I was ready to praise Jim Leyland for letting Joyce have it after the call, and continuing to berate him after the game. But Leyland lost his edge and started the walking the line as if Bud Selig personally delivered a suitcase of Marlboro cartons to his locker. The "human element"? We have to respect baseball's "human element"? Why should we respect a game that doesn't respect itself enough to give its fans the correct outcome?

This should all boil down to Bud "The Shrug" Selig. Sadly baseball isn't the only sport that rejects the fairness of the all seeing eyes of video (see FIFA). Much like in politics, change is the bane of all old men grasping to hold on to their power when the times are shifting. It is no secret that baseball is dying in America. Selig has let the game pass him by. He had the chance to fix a problem today. And instead he did the only thing he knows how to do.

Shrug.

Sporty McBloggin's Soccer to American-English Glossary For The Champions League Final

W. H. — Fri, 21 May 2010 05:52:00 GMT

On Saturday at 2:30pm Eastern Time, Internazionale Milan and Bayern Munich will meet for the UEFA Champions League title. Due to some strange anomaly the match will actually get broadcast on basic television in the United States. Will anyone in America be watching? It's hard to say. But just in case there are a few soccer newbies tuning in, we thought we'd offer up a nice little desk reference to make the match easier to understand. Because if all 10 people who read this blog tuned in, Fox's ratings would probably double.

THE TEAMS

Bayern Munich - Qualified for this Champions League by finishing 2nd in the Bundesliga in 2008-09. Currently the 2009-10 German champs. Winners of the 2009-10 German Cup. 4-time winners of the Champions League (1974, 1975, 1976, 2001).

Internazionale - (Inter Milan or Inter) Qualified for this Champions League by winning Serie A in 2008-09. Currently the 2009-10 Italian champs and winners of the 2009-10 Italian Cup. 2-time winners of the Champions League (1964, 1965). Defeated defending UEFA Champions League title-holders Barcelona in the semifinals.

THE HOME LEAGUES

Bundesliga - The German League. Efficient, technical, and productive. Just what we'd expect from the country that brought us Mercedes and BMW. Rated the top league in Europe for most of the mid 1970's through late 80's.

Serie A - The Italian League. Possibly the most corrupt league in all of world sports. In comparison to its last decade alone, Pete Rose, the Black Sox, and Tim Donaghy look as clean as Tim Tebow. Rated the top league in Europe for most of the late 80's through 2000.

THE COACHES

Jose Mourinho - ("The Special One", "The Translator") Internazionale's manager. Probably the best coach in Europe not named Sir Alex Ferguson. Won the Champions League with FC Porto in 2004 the season after winning the UEFA Cup (Europa League). Led Chelsea to their first Premiere League crown in over 50 years. Missed completing The Treble with FC Porto in 2004 when they lost in the Portuguese Cup final. Now has chance to clinch it with Inter. In just his eighth full season of coaching he's looking for his 17th trophy, which he'll use as leverage to gain the Real Madrid job. (In comparison, Alex Ferguson has 45 trophies in 36 full club seasons)

Louis van Gaal - Bayern Munich's manager. Much like his counterpart, Mourinho, he has previously won both Champions League and Europe League titles with a different team (Ajax). Unlike his counterpart, he wants to stay with his current club next season. By winning the final, he'd clinch his 20^th trophy in 17 seasons.

THE STAKES

Treble - A rare accomplishment where a team wins it's national league, top national tournament, and the continental champions league in the same season. Only been achieved in Europe 5 times: Ajax, Manchester United, Barcelona, PSV Eindhoven and Celtic. Regardless of whether Bayern Munich or Inter Milan wins, a Treble will be accomplished.

UEFA Champions League – Tournament for the best clubs in Europe that runs from July-May. Teams qualify based on their national league placement the previous season, and the coefficient rank of that national league. Runs concurrently with most European Leagues, therefore successful teams must generally be among the deepest and richest on the continent. Features 4 qualifying rounds with staggered entry. The remaining 10 teams from qualifying enter a group stage with 22 pre-qualified teams. 8 groups of 4 engage in round-robin tournaments with the top two teams of each group advancing. The final 16 clubs are bracketed and continue through 3 home-away knock-out rounds until 2 teams are left. The final is one match at a predetermined location, this year at the San Siro in Madrid.

#3 Rank in European Coefficient – The coefficient ranking determines how many teams each league gets to send to the Champions and Europa Leagues. The ranking is based on how successful the teams from each league are in either tournament. The top 3 leagues get 4 Champions League spots and 3 Europa League spots. At the beginning of this year Italy was #3. But if Bayern wins the final, Germany will swap spots with them and send 4 teams to the Champions League in 2011-12.

THE PLAYERS AND STORYLINES

Best Right-back in Soccer – Phillip Lahm of Bayern and Maicon of Inter could both make the claim. Will this match settle any dispute? Probably not, but it could add fuel to the fire.

Franck Ribery - One of the top 10-15 players in the world. A French international who stars for Bayern Munich and is sought after by Real Madrid. Sadly he is banned from the final due to a three game suspension for going over-the-top on a tackle against a Lyon player. He is also embroiled in a scandal involving a 15-year old prostitute. And for good measure, he wouldn't be playing in the World Cup except for a bogus handball that allowed France to defeat Ireland.

Real Madrid Outcasts - Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder were sold from Real last off-season because Florentino Perez believed that they couldn't help Los Blancos advance past the 1st knock-out stage of The Champions League. Needless to say, both will be playing in the final: Robben for Bayern and Sneijder for Inter. Coincidentally, the final will be played in Madrid. Whomever wins, Real Madrid loses.

Samuel Eto'o – Internazionale striker who's trying to become only the fourth player in European history to win back to back Champions League titles while playing for different teams. Last season this feat was accomplished by his former Barcelona teammate Gerard Pique.

THE WORLD CUP OUTLOOK

Argentinian National Team – Martin Demichelis should be starting for Bayern Munich and will be at the World Cup. Defenders Javier Zanetti and Walter Samuel will be starting for Inter in addition to forward Diego Milito and midfielder Esteban Cambiasso. Samuel and Milito will represent Argentina at the World Cup. Zanetti and Cambiasso should be, but their national coach was busy doing lines and strippers.

Brazilian National Team – Internazionale goalie Julio Cesar, and defenders Lucio and Maicon will be starting in the final, and for Brazil in the World Cup. Thiago Motta may also be starting in midfield for Inter, but was left off the World Cup roster.

Diego Maradona – Argentina's national team manager. One of the greatest soccer players of all time. Possibly one of the worst managers of all time. (see Isiah Thomas, Michael Jordan) Most famous for the "Hand of God" and doing truckloads of cocaine. Left Inter Milan stars Javier Zanetti and Esteban Cambiasso off of his World Cup roster. Will most likely murder Argentina's chances in South Africa despite having the best player in the world, Lionel Messi, at his disposal.

Dutch National Team - Arjen Robben and Mark Van Bommel play for Bayern Munich. Wesley Sneijder plays for Inter.

German National Team - Prominently featured on Bayern Munich. Phillip Lahm, Miroslav Klose, Mario Gomez, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Hans-Jorg Butt, Holger Badstuber and Thomas Muller all made the preliminary World Cup roster for their country.

Top 10 Players To Watch For Who Will Be In The World Cup

1. Samuel Eto'o- Forward: Inter, Cameroon
Scored 16 times in all competitions for Inter this season. Owns 44 goals with his national team.

2. Julio Cesar- Goalie: Inter, Brazil
Only gave up 42 goals in 50 matches this season for Inter. Has 47 caps for Brazil.

3. Arjen Robben- Midfield: Bayern, Netherlands
Bayern's leading scorer in all competitions this season. Has 11 goals for national team.

4. Wesley Sneijder- Midfield: Inter, Netherlands
Started 36 games for Inter this year. Has 12 goals for national team.

5. Phillip Lahm- Defender: Bayern, Germany
Leads Bayern with 52 appearances this season. Been capped 64 times by his national squad.

6. Lucio- Defender: Inter, Brazil
Started 46 games for Inter this season. Has 89 appearances for Brazil national team.

7. Maicon- Defender: Inter, Brazil
Started 47 games for Inter this season. Has 55 appearances for Brazil.

8. Diego Milito- Forward: Inter, Argentina
Scored 25 goals in all competitions this season.

9. Thomas Muller- Forward: Bayern, Germany
Scored 19 goals in all competitions this season.

10. Mario Gomez- Forward: Bayern, Germany
Scored 14 goals in all competitions this season. Has scored 14 times for German national team.

Top 5 Players To Watch For NOT In The World Cup

1. Ivica Olic- Forward: Bayern, Croatia
Tied for 2^nd in Champions League with 7 goals this season.

2. Patrick Viera- Midfield: Inter, France
If he makes it onto the pitch he may be the most decorated player there. Helped France win 1998 World Cup and
98-01 International Treble. Won 16 club trophies in England and Italy.

3. Daniel Van Buyten- Defender: Bayern, Belgium
Sturdy centerback with 47 appearances for Bayern this season.

4. Javier Zanetti- Defender: Inter, Argentina
    Leads Internazionale in appearances this season with 51.

5. Esteban Cambiasso- Midfield: Inter, Argentina
    Has won 15 club trophies in 8 seasons. Started 37 matches for Inter this season. Never been called up during Diego
    Maradona's reign as national coach.

Rants and Raves All Ranting Edition

W. H. — Tue, 18 May 2010 04:07:00 GMT

RANT, ONE LONG EXTENDED RANT

Cardinals can't hit, so who's their hitting coach?

The St. Louis Cardinals are in a funk. A team with a former batting champ and the greatest hitter of his generation can't produce runs. They've been relying on excellent pitching, but there's only so long that Jaime Garcia and Brad Penny will be able to post ERA's under 2.00. For now they've been lucky. But it's early May and there's a long season ahead. A long freakin season.

So why are the defending central division champs struggling to score runs despite returning seven starters from last year's team? Is it the new 3rd baseman? Well, David Freese is hovering above .300, and that's significantly better than one-armed Mark DeRosa. Could a second year player be struggling while coming to terms with more playing time, perhaps Colby Rasmus? He's got 7 homeruns already. What else has changed?

No one in the press seems to be acknowledging it, but perhaps new hitting coach Mark McGwire is the problem. In fact, let's not even pretend like there's any other possibility. Albert Pujols has struck out more times per AB than any other time in his career. Brendan Ryan and Skip Schumaker, two hitters most in need of coaching, couldn't hit Kristie Alley with a 6 foot Twinkie. And Yadier Molina is following up an All-Star season by doing his best impersonation of his brother Jose.

Everyone knew that McGwire would bring questions about his past with him. However, the distractions created by media attention have largely subsided. Perhaps McGwire's history is causing a crisis of leadership confidence in the clubhouse. Tony LaRussa is one of the greatest managers in baseball history, and the greatest manager in Cardinals history (yep it's right there, take it for what it's worth). But he clearly brought his old friend in to help revitalize McGwire's tarnished reputation. McGwire was not a great hitter in the big leagues. He was a bomber, and his approach helped him, with some help, to sock over 500 dingers. But not every hitter in the Cardinals lineup needs to be focusing on power. A hitting coach needs to be able to get the best out of every player, regardless of whether their strength is in power or contact.

But Let's Not Just Bash McGwire Totally...

Just because a guy may not be a suitable hitting coach doesn't mean the whole city of St. Louis should shit on him. The fairweather politicians who decided to remove Mark McGwire's name from a section of Interstate 70 should be looking in the mirror. Changing the name from "Mark McGwire Highway" to "Mark Twain Highway" seems a tad rash. Are they saving money by only buying half of a sign? Twain deserves recognition, but a section of highway is probably a little trite considering his contributions to the American literary canon.

There may be doubts about the honesty of Mark McGwire's work during his playing days. But there's no way to take away the memories he gave Cardinals fans. The details of that era of Major League Baseball will never be fully understood. And there's no doubt some shenanigans were taking place. But the games counted. They're in the books. And McGwire played the game as well as anyone else in that era. Besides, what right do politicians have to reprimand someone for lying and cheating?

Speaking of People on Their High Horses...

Where are the national columnists who spent the last decade raking in cash by denouncing baseball's PED offenders? Did they cash out and retire to the Bahamas. Because no one seems to have a problem with an NFL player getting an award despite testing positive for a masking agent. In fact the Associated Press felt it was necessary to remove the award, then revote with the offenders name still on the ballot, then give the award back to him.

The NFL has had three former Rookie of the Years: Shawn Merriman, Julius Peppers, and now Brian Cushing, test positive for steroids in the last decade. No one is taking away their highways. No one is calling them before Congress. No one is writing books on the intimate details of their injection routines. No one is crying about the children. And I ask you, what about the children? Do they only care about baseball. Or were the children metaphorical representations created by collective sports writer nostalgia?

Tasing Ronnies and Other Delights

W. H. — Wed, 05 May 2010 03:41:41 GMT

It's been less than 48 hours since an officer of the Philly police department got “illidelphia electronic” on a trespassing fan at Citizen's Bank Park. Every sports radio station, television station , and chat room has leveed their opinion on the shocking development. And most of them, as should be expected, agreed: “Good Job Officer”.

There may be some yahoo's out there, like this idiot who writes for Yahoo , who think that it's possible for a police officer to know the motives of any suspect by looking into their eyes. When in fact the reality is: there was a person who was not supposed to be on the field, running toward famous public figures, in a crowded stadium, 24 hours after someone parked an explosive ridden car by a skyscraper 100 miles away. Pretty sure that a trained police officer will do two things: protect himself, protect the people who's safety he's charged with. Besides, as Shane Victorino so eloquently put it, "If he was on the street running from a cop, doesn't the cop have the right to Tase you because you're fleeing from the cops?"

So why is there even a question about excessive force? In fact, why were police not using tasers when a second moron jumped onto the field the following night? Did the public outcry from the televised tasing handicap the Philadelphia police department? Or just the PR director? We at SportyMcBloggin have no proof, but we think we can make up a good reason why the police officer's were not equipped with tasers the following night:

The first tasing was staged.

Yes, you heard it here first. SportyMcBloggin, breaking the big stories. Remember a few years back when our country was in a religious and military stand off with a desert nation that hated our ideals... well we still are. But a few years ago, our then president set the collective hearts and minds of our nation at ease by distracted us from the carnage abroad with ominous threats of gays marrying, legal abortions, and job stealing immigrants. Suddenly the world seemed smaller, we could focus on the problems in our backyard instead of worrying about the war abroad. It worked so well that our radical radio stations, religious leaders, and politicians are still arguing about gays, abortions, and immigrants.

Meanwhile our new president has encountered more problems. Financial crises, domestic terrorism influenced by foreign nut jobs, and large amounts of oil in the Gulf of Mexico. How could anyone possibly get all of those problems off of the front page of every paper in America?

We present you with a Sporty One-Act entitled:

Tasing Freedom or possibly The Bay of Tase

(Phillies fan Steve Consalvi sits in the stands at Citizens Bank Park, he is 17 years old. In the fall he will be headed to Penn State University. He's watching his favorite baseball team play in what could be an early preview of the NLCS. His phone rings.)

Consalvi- Hello?

Unknown Voice- Son.

Consalvi- Dad?

Unknown Voice- No son. This is not your father. This is Barrack Obama. President of the United States. America's father.

Consalvi- You're joking?

Obama- I don't have time for levity, do you know how freaking busy I am? I'm the president of the United States. All 50 of them for now. Until we sell Arizona back to Mexico. Anyway, I need an important favor from you. America needs your help.

Consalvi- But sir, I'm only 17 years old.

Obama- That's exactly why I picked you son. You're young and idealistic. You're headed to an east coast university. You have no idea how future loan debt and taxes will cripple your lifetime earnings. And most importantly you're at the Phillies game.

Consalvi- How do you know that ?

Obama- Son, my predecessor created an intelligence network that rivals the greatest fears of George Orwell. Do you know who George Orwell is son?

Consalvi- Yes sir. He wrote 1984.

Obama- Yeah, well he was a punk compared to George W Bush. Thanks to W, I know your ACT score, your shoe size, how many Facebook friends you have, and whether or not they really like you. You know that girl Becky from History class?

Consalvi- Yes?

Obama- I know she's down if you'd ever get the stones to go for it.

Consalvi- Down for what?

Obama- “Milledgeville Georgia Down” son. Do you want me to spell it out for you? Look I don't have time for your questions, there is oil spilling in the Gulf of Mexico. You planning on going on Spring Break when you're in college?

Consalvi- I don't know.

Obama- Well you won't have the option if that oil keeps spilling into the Gulf. BAM! Panama City? Closed, no college skankfest. BAM! Padre? Closed, no college skankfest. Havasu? Forget it, selling it to fucking Mexico.

Consalvi- Well how can I help?

Obama- There you go son. Ask not what your country can bail you out of, but what you can do to bail out your country. And we need a lot of bailing, buy a couple buckets when you get the chance. Steven, I need you to run out onto that field.

Consalvi- But why? Won't I get hurt.

Obama- Get hurt? Son, what does it matter? I'm Barrack Obama I invented healthcare. It's fucking free, go get you some.

Consalvi- But how will that help America?

Obama- Look, I don't want to get into too many details here, but it's going to be a distraction. I need you to buy me some time to figure out how I'm going to sell this oil in the Gulf business to the Republicans as an effective deterrent for Cuban immigrants, whilst still being able to convince the left that this environmental damage is the work of irresponsible corporate white-devils. And that's right, I said “whilst”, I went to fucking Harvard.

Consalvi- Do you think you could get me into Harvard?

Obama- I can do a lot of things. But I can't help a kid who won't help himself. And by “helping himself”, I mean “help me”.

Consalvi- All right, Mr. President, I'll do it. Can I call my Dad first? He's got a DVR.

Obama- No problem son. Just do us all a favor, go to the bathroom before you go run out there.

Consalvi- Why?

Obama- No reason.

(Consalvi hangs up the phone and then calls his father. We hear a conversation. The curtain falls. And a projector shows a movie over the curtain)