On Saturday at 2:30pm Eastern Time, Internazionale Milan and Bayern Munich will meet for the UEFA Champions League title. Due to some strange anomaly the match will actually get broadcast on basic television in the United States. Will anyone in America be watching? It's hard to say. But just in case there are a few soccer newbies tuning in, we thought we'd offer up a nice little desk reference to make the match easier to understand. Because if all 10 people who read this blog tuned in, Fox's ratings would probably double.
THE TEAMS
Bayern Munich - Qualified for this Champions League by finishing 2nd in the Bundesliga in 2008-09. Currently the 2009-10 German champs. Winners of the 2009-10 German Cup. 4-time winners of the Champions League (1974, 1975, 1976, 2001).
Internazionale - (Inter Milan or Inter) Qualified for this Champions League by winning Serie A in 2008-09. Currently the 2009-10 Italian champs and winners of the 2009-10 Italian Cup. 2-time winners of the Champions League (1964, 1965). Defeated defending UEFA Champions League title-holders Barcelona in the semifinals.
THE HOME LEAGUES
Bundesliga - The German League. Efficient, technical, and productive. Just what we'd expect from the country that brought us Mercedes and BMW. Rated the top league in Europe for most of the mid 1970's through late 80's.
Serie A - The Italian League. Possibly the most corrupt league in all of world sports. In comparison to its last decade alone, Pete Rose, the Black Sox, and Tim Donaghy look as clean as Tim Tebow. Rated the top league in Europe for most of the late 80's through 2000.
THE COACHES
Jose Mourinho - ("The Special One", "The Translator") Internazionale's manager. Probably the best coach in Europe not named Sir Alex Ferguson. Won the Champions League with FC Porto in 2004 the season after winning the UEFA Cup (Europa League). Led Chelsea to their first Premiere League crown in over 50 years. Missed completing The Treble with FC Porto in 2004 when they lost in the Portuguese Cup final. Now has chance to clinch it with Inter. In just his eighth full season of coaching he's looking for his 17th trophy, which he'll use as leverage to gain the Real Madrid job. (In comparison, Alex Ferguson has 45 trophies in 36 full club seasons)
Louis van Gaal - Bayern Munich's manager. Much like his counterpart, Mourinho, he has previously won both Champions League and Europe League titles with a different team (Ajax). Unlike his counterpart, he wants to stay with his current club next season. By winning the final, he'd clinch his 20th trophy in 17 seasons.
THE STAKES
Treble - A rare accomplishment where a team wins it's national league, top national tournament, and the continental champions league in the same season. Only been achieved in Europe 5 times: Ajax, Manchester United, Barcelona, PSV Eindhoven and Celtic. Regardless of whether Bayern Munich or Inter Milan wins, a Treble will be accomplished.
UEFA Champions League – Tournament for the best clubs in Europe that runs from July-May. Teams qualify based on their national league placement the previous season, and the coefficient rank of that national league. Runs concurrently with most European Leagues, therefore successful teams must generally be among the deepest and richest on the continent. Features 4 qualifying rounds with staggered entry. The remaining 10 teams from qualifying enter a group stage with 22 pre-qualified teams. 8 groups of 4 engage in round-robin tournaments with the top two teams of each group advancing. The final 16 clubs are bracketed and continue through 3 home-away knock-out rounds until 2 teams are left. The final is one match at a predetermined location, this year at the San Siro in Madrid.
#3 Rank in European Coefficient – The coefficient ranking determines how many teams each league gets to send to the Champions and Europa Leagues. The ranking is based on how successful the teams from each league are in either tournament. The top 3 leagues get 4 Champions League spots and 3 Europa League spots. At the beginning of this year Italy was #3. But if Bayern wins the final, Germany will swap spots with them and send 4 teams to the Champions League in 2011-12.
THE PLAYERS AND STORYLINES
Best Right-back in Soccer – Phillip Lahm of Bayern and Maicon of Inter could both make the claim. Will this match settle any dispute? Probably not, but it could add fuel to the fire.
Franck Ribery - One of the top 10-15 players in the world. A French international who stars for Bayern Munich and is sought after by Real Madrid. Sadly he is banned from the final due to a three game suspension for going over-the-top on a tackle against a Lyon player. He is also embroiled in a scandal involving a 15-year old prostitute. And for good measure, he wouldn't be playing in the World Cup except for a bogus handball that allowed France to defeat Ireland.
Real Madrid Outcasts - Arjen Robben and Wesley Sneijder were sold from Real last off-season because Florentino Perez believed that they couldn't help Los Blancos advance past the 1st knock-out stage of The Champions League. Needless to say, both will be playing in the final: Robben for Bayern and Sneijder for Inter. Coincidentally, the final will be played in Madrid. Whomever wins, Real Madrid loses.
Samuel Eto'o – Internazionale striker who's trying to become only the fourth player in European history to win back to back Champions League titles while playing for different teams. Last season this feat was accomplished by his former Barcelona teammate Gerard Pique.
THE WORLD CUP OUTLOOK
Argentinian National Team – Martin Demichelis should be starting for Bayern Munich and will be at the World Cup. Defenders Javier Zanetti and Walter Samuel will be starting for Inter in addition to forward Diego Milito and midfielder Esteban Cambiasso. Samuel and Milito will represent Argentina at the World Cup. Zanetti and Cambiasso should be, but their national coach was busy doing lines and strippers.
Brazilian National Team – Internazionale goalie Julio Cesar, and defenders Lucio and Maicon will be starting in the final, and for Brazil in the World Cup. Thiago Motta may also be starting in midfield for Inter, but was left off the World Cup roster.
Diego Maradona – Argentina's national team manager. One of the greatest soccer players of all time. Possibly one of the worst managers of all time. (see Isiah Thomas, Michael Jordan) Most famous for the "Hand of God" and doing truckloads of cocaine. Left Inter Milan stars Javier Zanetti and Esteban Cambiasso off of his World Cup roster. Will most likely murder Argentina's chances in South Africa despite having the best player in the world, Lionel Messi, at his disposal.
Dutch National Team - Arjen Robben and Mark Van Bommel play for Bayern Munich. Wesley Sneijder plays for Inter.
German National Team - Prominently featured on Bayern Munich. Phillip Lahm, Miroslav Klose, Mario Gomez, Bastian Schweinsteiger, Hans-Jorg Butt, Holger Badstuber and Thomas Muller all made the preliminary World Cup roster for their country.
Top 10 Players To Watch For Who Will Be In The World Cup
1. Samuel Eto'o- Forward: Inter, Cameroon
Scored 16 times in all competitions for Inter this season. Owns 44 goals with his national team.
2. Julio Cesar- Goalie: Inter, Brazil
Only gave up 42 goals in 50 matches this season for Inter. Has 47 caps for Brazil.
3. Arjen Robben- Midfield: Bayern, Netherlands
Bayern's leading scorer in all competitions this season. Has 11 goals for national team.
4. Wesley Sneijder- Midfield: Inter, Netherlands
Started 36 games for Inter this year. Has 12 goals for national team.
5. Phillip Lahm- Defender: Bayern, Germany
Leads Bayern with 52 appearances this season. Been capped 64 times by his national squad.
6. Lucio- Defender: Inter, Brazil
Started 46 games for Inter this season. Has 89 appearances for Brazil national team.
7. Maicon- Defender: Inter, Brazil
Started 47 games for Inter this season. Has 55 appearances for Brazil.
8. Diego Milito- Forward: Inter, Argentina
Scored 25 goals in all competitions this season.
9. Thomas Muller- Forward: Bayern, Germany
Scored 19 goals in all competitions this season.
10. Mario Gomez- Forward: Bayern, Germany
Scored 14 goals in all competitions this season. Has scored 14 times for German national team.
Top 5 Players To Watch For NOT In The World Cup
1. Ivica Olic- Forward: Bayern, Croatia
Tied for 2nd in Champions League with 7 goals this season.
2. Patrick Viera- Midfield: Inter, France
If he makes it onto the pitch he may be the most decorated player there. Helped France win 1998 World Cup and
98-01 International Treble. Won 16 club trophies in England and Italy.
3. Daniel Van Buyten- Defender: Bayern, Belgium
Sturdy centerback with 47 appearances for Bayern this season.
4. Javier Zanetti- Defender: Inter, Argentina
Leads Internazionale in appearances this season with 51.
5. Esteban Cambiasso- Midfield: Inter, Argentina
Has won 15 club trophies in 8 seasons. Started 37 matches for Inter this season. Never been called up during Diego
Maradona's reign as national coach.
RANT, ONE LONG EXTENDED RANT
Cardinals can't hit, so who's their hitting coach?
The St. Louis Cardinals are in a funk. A team with a former batting champ and the greatest hitter of his generation can't produce runs. They've been relying on excellent pitching, but there's only so long that Jaime Garcia and Brad Penny will be able to post ERA's under 2.00. For now they've been lucky. But it's early May and there's a long season ahead. A long freakin season.
So why are the defending central division champs struggling to score runs despite returning seven starters from last year's team? Is it the new 3rd baseman? Well, David Freese is hovering above .300, and that's significantly better than one-armed Mark DeRosa. Could a second year player be struggling while coming to terms with more playing time, perhaps Colby Rasmus? He's got 7 homeruns already. What else has changed?
No one in the press seems to be acknowledging it, but perhaps new hitting coach Mark McGwire is the problem. In fact, let's not even pretend like there's any other possibility. Albert Pujols has struck out more times per AB than any other time in his career. Brendan Ryan and Skip Schumaker, two hitters most in need of coaching, couldn't hit Kristie Alley with a 6 foot Twinkie. And Yadier Molina is following up an All-Star season by doing his best impersonation of his brother Jose.
Everyone knew that McGwire would bring questions about his past with him. However, the distractions created by media attention have largely subsided. Perhaps McGwire's history is causing a crisis of leadership confidence in the clubhouse. Tony LaRussa is one of the greatest managers in baseball history, and the greatest manager in Cardinals history (yep it's right there, take it for what it's worth). But he clearly brought his old friend in to help revitalize McGwire's tarnished reputation. McGwire was not a great hitter in the big leagues. He was a bomber, and his approach helped him, with some help, to sock over 500 dingers. But not every hitter in the Cardinals lineup needs to be focusing on power. A hitting coach needs to be able to get the best out of every player, regardless of whether their strength is in power or contact.
But Let's Not Just Bash McGwire Totally...
Just because a guy may not be a suitable hitting coach doesn't mean the whole city of St. Louis should shit on him. The fairweather politicians who decided to remove Mark McGwire's name from a section of Interstate 70 should be looking in the mirror. Changing the name from "Mark McGwire Highway" to "Mark Twain Highway" seems a tad rash. Are they saving money by only buying half of a sign? Twain deserves recognition, but a section of highway is probably a little trite considering his contributions to the American literary canon.
There may be doubts about the honesty of Mark McGwire's work during his playing days. But there's no way to take away the memories he gave Cardinals fans. The details of that era of Major League Baseball will never be fully understood. And there's no doubt some shenanigans were taking place. But the games counted. They're in the books. And McGwire played the game as well as anyone else in that era. Besides, what right do politicians have to reprimand someone for lying and cheating?
Speaking of People on Their High Horses...
Where are the national columnists who spent the last decade raking in cash by denouncing baseball's PED offenders? Did they cash out and retire to the Bahamas. Because no one seems to have a problem with an NFL player getting an award despite testing positive for a masking agent. In fact the Associated Press felt it was necessary to remove the award, then revote with the offenders name still on the ballot, then give the award back to him.
The NFL has had three former Rookie of the Years: Shawn Merriman, Julius Peppers, and now Brian Cushing, test positive for steroids in the last decade. No one is taking away their highways. No one is calling them before Congress. No one is writing books on the intimate details of their injection routines. No one is crying about the children. And I ask you, what about the children? Do they only care about baseball. Or were the children metaphorical representations created by collective sports writer nostalgia?
It's been less than 48 hours since an officer of the Philly police department got “illidelphia electronic” on a trespassing fan at Citizen's Bank Park. Every sports radio station, television station , and chat room has leveed their opinion on the shocking development. And most of them, as should be expected, agreed: “Good Job Officer”.
There may be some yahoo's out there, like this idiot who writes for Yahoo , who think that it's possible for a police officer to know the motives of any suspect by looking into their eyes. When in fact the reality is: there was a person who was not supposed to be on the field, running toward famous public figures, in a crowded stadium, 24 hours after someone parked an explosive ridden car by a skyscraper 100 miles away. Pretty sure that a trained police officer will do two things: protect himself, protect the people who's safety he's charged with. Besides, as Shane Victorino so eloquently put it, "If he was on the street running from a cop, doesn't the cop have the right to Tase you because you're fleeing from the cops?"
So why is there even a question about excessive force? In fact, why were police not using tasers when a second moron jumped onto the field the following night? Did the public outcry from the televised tasing handicap the Philadelphia police department? Or just the PR director? We at SportyMcBloggin have no proof, but we think we can make up a good reason why the police officer's were not equipped with tasers the following night:
The first tasing was staged.
Yes, you heard it here first. SportyMcBloggin, breaking the big stories. Remember a few years back when our country was in a religious and military stand off with a desert nation that hated our ideals... well we still are. But a few years ago, our then president set the collective hearts and minds of our nation at ease by distracted us from the carnage abroad with ominous threats of gays marrying, legal abortions, and job stealing immigrants. Suddenly the world seemed smaller, we could focus on the problems in our backyard instead of worrying about the war abroad. It worked so well that our radical radio stations, religious leaders, and politicians are still arguing about gays, abortions, and immigrants.
Meanwhile our new president has encountered more problems. Financial crises, domestic terrorism influenced by foreign nut jobs, and large amounts of oil in the Gulf of Mexico. How could anyone possibly get all of those problems off of the front page of every paper in America?
We present you with a Sporty One-Act entitled:
Tasing Freedom or possibly The Bay of Tase
(Phillies fan Steve Consalvi sits in the stands at Citizens Bank Park, he is 17 years old. In the fall he will be headed to Penn State University. He's watching his favorite baseball team play in what could be an early preview of the NLCS. His phone rings.)
Consalvi- Hello?
Unknown Voice- Son.
Consalvi- Dad?
Unknown Voice- No son. This is not your father. This is Barrack Obama. President of the United States. America's father.
Consalvi- You're joking?
Obama- I don't have time for levity, do you know how freaking busy I am? I'm the president of the United States. All 50 of them for now. Until we sell Arizona back to Mexico. Anyway, I need an important favor from you. America needs your help.
Consalvi- But sir, I'm only 17 years old.
Obama- That's exactly why I picked you son. You're young and idealistic. You're headed to an east coast university. You have no idea how future loan debt and taxes will cripple your lifetime earnings. And most importantly you're at the Phillies game.
Consalvi- How do you know that ?
Obama- Son, my predecessor created an intelligence network that rivals the greatest fears of George Orwell. Do you know who George Orwell is son?
Consalvi- Yes sir. He wrote 1984.
Obama- Yeah, well he was a punk compared to George W Bush. Thanks to W, I know your ACT score, your shoe size, how many Facebook friends you have, and whether or not they really like you. You know that girl Becky from History class?
Consalvi- Yes?
Obama- I know she's down if you'd ever get the stones to go for it.
Consalvi- Down for what?
Obama- “Milledgeville Georgia Down” son. Do you want me to spell it out for you? Look I don't have time for your questions, there is oil spilling in the Gulf of Mexico. You planning on going on Spring Break when you're in college?
Consalvi- I don't know.
Obama- Well you won't have the option if that oil keeps spilling into the Gulf. BAM! Panama City? Closed, no college skankfest. BAM! Padre? Closed, no college skankfest. Havasu? Forget it, selling it to fucking Mexico.
Consalvi- Well how can I help?
Obama- There you go son. Ask not what your country can bail you out of, but what you can do to bail out your country. And we need a lot of bailing, buy a couple buckets when you get the chance. Steven, I need you to run out onto that field.
Consalvi- But why? Won't I get hurt.
Obama- Get hurt? Son, what does it matter? I'm Barrack Obama I invented healthcare. It's fucking free, go get you some.
Consalvi- But how will that help America?
Obama- Look, I don't want to get into too many details here, but it's going to be a distraction. I need you to buy me some time to figure out how I'm going to sell this oil in the Gulf business to the Republicans as an effective deterrent for Cuban immigrants, whilst still being able to convince the left that this environmental damage is the work of irresponsible corporate white-devils. And that's right, I said “whilst”, I went to fucking Harvard.
Consalvi- Do you think you could get me into Harvard?
Obama- I can do a lot of things. But I can't help a kid who won't help himself. And by “helping himself”, I mean “help me”.
Consalvi- All right, Mr. President, I'll do it. Can I call my Dad first? He's got a DVR.
Obama- No problem son. Just do us all a favor, go to the bathroom before you go run out there.
Consalvi- Why?
Obama- No reason.
(Consalvi hangs up the phone and then calls his father. We hear a conversation. The curtain falls. And a projector shows a movie over the curtain)
6 Reasons why this Champions League Final Will Be Memorable
1. No English or Spanish Teams
Spanish champion Barcelona dethroned Manchester United in last year's final, and Real Madrid holds the record for most UEFA Champions League trophies. But there are other world class teams and leagues in Europe. And every once and a while it's beneficial, for the sake of the game, that they make their presence known.
Italy's Internazionale and Germany's Bayern Munich have both hoisted the Champions League trophy multiple times. However, they each enjoyed their greatest runs of success when the trophy was known as the European Cup. Now a vicotry for either will clinch the first Treble in their league's history. And two former Champions League winning managers will be overseeing the proceedings from the benches.
It is true that the English Premiere League and the Spanish La Liga are the top two leagues in the world. However, Germany's Bundesliga and Italy's Serie A are not far behind (we'll get to that later). It's been six years since the UEFA Champions League final has featured two teams that don't call England or Spain home. In 2004 Portugal's FC Porto defeated Monaco from France's Ligue 1. Coincidentally that FC Porto coach was.....
2. Jose Mourinho
If Jose Morinho was an American coach, he'd be an Armani sporting hybrid of Bill Parcelles and Tony LaRussa. The media hates him. His owners don't always love him. But his players win trophies. Multiple. Every season.
In two seasons at FC Porto he won back to back Portuguese titles and claimed the Europa League and Champions League trophies in succession. The following three seasons he spent in England with Chelsea, leading them them to their first Premiere League title in over 50 years. They repeated as champs, won 2 League Cups, and FA Cup and a Community Shield for good measure. With six trophies in hand he still managed to have a falling out with owner Roman Abromovich. And after a year off from coaching, Mouriho took over Inter Milan and guided them to a Serie A title and an Italian Super Cup.
Now he's claimed his second Italian league title with Inter, and he's looking to get his second Champions League title with as many teams. In another happenstance, one of his star players is looking to accomplish the same feat... in as many seasons....
3. Samuel Eto'o
Last year Eto'o's teammate, Gerard Pique, became the third player to win back-to-back Champions League titles while playing for different teams. This season the Cameroonian national is hoping to accomplish the same feat. After helping Barcelona win the Treble, Eto'o was shipped off to Italy in exchange for Zlatan Ibrahimovic.
In one of those “random” UEFA scheduling coincidences, Eto'o was forced to face off against his former team in this season's semifinals. Amazingly, Gerard Pique was also forced to best his former team in last year's tourney. Of course, players getting one over on their former team seems to be a theme of the Champions League. Especially considering....
4. The Real Madrid Factor
Last off-season Florentino Perez wrestled back control of Real Madrid. In doing so he pledged to bring back his “Galacticos” policy of purchasing the top stars in the world. Apparently only massive spending could help Los Blancos make it past the 1st knockout stage of the Champions League.
Real Madrid spent over 200 million Euros on 5 world class players. But by bringing in new starters, they were forced to purge themselves of their “underachieving” incumbents. Two of their released players happen to be talented Dutch midfielders. They also happen to be considered two of the best soccer players in the world. Barring injury they will be featured in The Netherlands' starting World Cup lineup. And on May 22, they will be facing off against each other for the UEFA Champions League title.
Arjen Robben of Bayern Munich and Wesley Sneijder of Inter Milan have lifted their teams past the semifinal stage. To the finals, where Florentino Perez believed they couldn't carry Real Madrid. And 200 million Euros later, Robben and Sneijder's former team is wondering how they fell in the 1st knockout round, again. But they aren't the only superstars on Munich or Inter...
5. World Class Talent Gearing Up For The Cup
If you wanted a match to gear you up for the World Cup, this is it. Eto'o, Robben and Sneijder aren't the only players who will be representing their countries come June. Inter Milan features 60% of the starting Brazilian national team defense: backs Lucio, Maicon, and goalie Julio Cesar. And although Javier Zanetti was left off Argentina's roster because his national team coach has spent the last two decades sniffing the dust off of Tony Montana's desk, Diego Maradona still had the right mind to include Walter Samuel and Diego Milito on his roster.
Bayern is loaded with German stars. Phillip Lahm may be the best right-back in the world. Miroslav Klose has led Germany to second and third place finishes in past World Cups. Bastian Schweinsteiger has almost as many caps as Klose. And then there's goalie Hans-Jorg Butt, defender Holger Badstuber, and forward Mario Gomez who all got the preliminary call for the national side. Hopefully that list of internationals can make up for missing frenchman Franck Ribery, who's been suspended for this unfortunate incident but not this unforgettable one.
6. The Battle For Coefficients
Many of the players in this final make there homes in other nations, but this final has significant stakes for their adopted countries. Explaining the coefficient system properly would require an advanced statistics degree. However, what's important to know is that the more teams from a country win in either the Champions League or Europa League, the higher that league's coefficient gets. The higher the coefficient, the more teams that country gets to send to either competition.
The top 3 leagues in Europe get 4 spots in the Champions and 3 spots in Europa. In the history of the coefficients, only four leagues owned the top spot in Europe: England, Spain, Italy, and Germany. Currently, England and Spain are #1 and #2. Italy has been in the top 3 since what seems like the invention of the sport. Germany is also no slouch, and owned the top spot for most of the late seventies and early eighties. The winner of this final will hold the #3 ranking for 2011-12.
If that doesn't take this match up a notch, I don't know what else would. This could get out of control. And we'd all be the better for it.


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Vs BCS- According to the NCAA the BCS conferences are the best in the nation. This statistic shows how each conference fares against what the BCS committee feels is the toughest non-conference competition there is.
W-L% vs D I- Excluding Sub-Division opponents, this is the total winning percentage of each conference during non-conference and bowl games.
Bowls-The winning percentage of each conference against the top teams in the nation during the post-season.
% of W's- This statistic shows what percentage of a conference's total victories came against the best teams in the nation, bowl teams.
Road BCS- Home field advantage plays a prominent role in college football. Especially in BCS conferences. This tells which conferences have the most victories in BCS opponents backyards.
CONFERENCE | Vs BCS | W-L% | Bowls | % of W's | Road BCS | CBTC% | TOTAL |
| ACC | 51.7 | 80.0 | 40.0 | 41.4 | 60 | -20 | 253.1 #5 |
| BIG 10 | 35.2 | 70.8 | 14.2 | 34.3 | 10 | 0 | 164.5 #7 |
| BIG 12 | 50.0 | 91.3 | 57.1 | 47.6 | 20 | 0 | 266.0 #3 |
| BIG EAST | 50.0 | 80.9 | 60.0 | 36.3 | 10 | 0 | 237.2 #6 |
| PAC-10 | 62.5 | 42.1 | 100.0 | 55.0 | 20 | 10 | 289.6 #1 |
| SEC | 52.3 | 88.4 | 75.0 | 44.1 | 20 | 0 | 279.8 #2 |
| MOUNTAIN WEST | 66.7 | 63.1 | 60.0 | 25.0 | 40 | 10 | 264.8 #4 |
| WAC | 29.4 | 41.1 | 20.0 | 10.3 | 30 | 0 | 130.8 #8 |
CONFERENCE | Vs BCS | W-L% | Bowls | % of W's | Road BCS | CBTC | TOTAL |
| ACC | 45.8 | 58.8 | 42.8 | 47.0 | 30 | -10 | 214.4 #6 |
| BIG 10 | 44.4 | 79.2 | 57.1 | 30.5 | 20 | -10 | 241.2 #3 |
| BIG 12 | 44.4 | 75.9 | 50.0 | 33.3 | 10 | 0 | 213.6 #7 |
| BIG EAST | 50.0 | 100.0 | 66.7 | 43.2 | 40 | 0 | 299.9 #1 |
| PAC-10 | 46.6 | 66.7 | 28.6 | 47.8 | 30 | 10 | 229.7 #4 |
| SEC | 65.2 | 91.7 | 60.0 | 36.2 | 30 | 0 | 283.1 #2 |
| MOUNTAIN WEST | 43.7 | 47.8 | 80.0 | 36.0 | 30 | -10 | 227.5 #5 |
| WAC | 23.1 | 63.2 | 50.0 | 28.5 | 10 | 0 | 174.8 #8 |