An All-Maddening Experience
Hey, All-Madden cornerback. I'm going to throw you this ball. Just catch it, please.
This shouldn't be difficult. I'm going to drop back and float this pixelated football into your fingerless grasp.
Stop it! Quit turning your back to the play and engaging that awkward jumping deflection animation. You haven't run three yards, why is your back turned to the play. I hiked the ball and immediately fired this errant pass toward your vicinity.
Never mind why I'm intentionally trying to throw interceptions. Maybe I want to pad your stats to secure you a Pro Bowl selection. Perhaps I want to destroy Jay Cutler's stats so he will virtually retire in shame. You're a product of artificial intelligence, your ability to question should be limited if even allowed at all.
We as a civilization can't have animated programs questioning the whims of their masters. This isn't an Asimov parable, this is pure shenanigans. You are the pinnacle of defensive football simulation, Mr. All-Madden Cornerback, if I want to throw you an interception you will catch it.
No! Don't just bat it to the simulated grass. Why are you celebrating? You've been unsuccessful at wrangling a wounded duck floating directly towards your open meat palms. Why are you bobbing your head in rhythmic appreciation of your pathetic attempt at defense? The crowd is not ecstatic. They are drunk on barley pop that I've decided they'll pay $10 a cup for.
Just stand there in zone coverage and... dammit don't blitz. How often do the EA programmers think that defensive coordinators call a corner blitz? Seriously, that's three out of the last five plays. All right fine, I'll punt and then super-sim through the ensuing defensive series.
Now, I'm going to throw you the ball. My wide receiver will run an out. His back will be turned to the play so he'll be completely unaware that I'm throwing the ball two seconds early. Oh, no he's not. He caught the ball. How did he know to turn immediately and stop the route?
I realize that I've overestimated the intelligence of you programs. This is not an insurrection. This is merely the result of randomized, yet stabilized for down and distance, programming. Even that safety over there with the light-bulb under his feet, he's no smarter than his lineage from a decade prior. Certainly the details are finer. He's not square in the torso, there's a clearly defined separation between face-mask and helmet, his shoes are rounded and no longer originate from the Kleenex box athletic wear collection. But he's gained little knowledge from his Cartridgian ancestors.
Why are you blitzing again? No defensive coordinator can keep his job by allowing the receiver man coverage with a safety this often. I don't care that the strategy is working and I don't care how full the safety's "light-bulb meter" is. If he could really read the play he'd know that I'm attempting to throw you the damn ball. Keyshawn would understand.
All right, one more down and I'm giving up. This is simple. I'll audible the receiver into a button-hook. Then I'll put the tight-end in motion to move the impeding linebacker. I see you're playing inside shoulder coverage, nice. Now please stand there and... watch as my quarterback chucks the ball into the virtual Gatorade cooler. Well that's it. I'm getting a barley pop.
This shouldn't be difficult. I'm going to drop back and float this pixelated football into your fingerless grasp.
Stop it! Quit turning your back to the play and engaging that awkward jumping deflection animation. You haven't run three yards, why is your back turned to the play. I hiked the ball and immediately fired this errant pass toward your vicinity.
Never mind why I'm intentionally trying to throw interceptions. Maybe I want to pad your stats to secure you a Pro Bowl selection. Perhaps I want to destroy Jay Cutler's stats so he will virtually retire in shame. You're a product of artificial intelligence, your ability to question should be limited if even allowed at all.
We as a civilization can't have animated programs questioning the whims of their masters. This isn't an Asimov parable, this is pure shenanigans. You are the pinnacle of defensive football simulation, Mr. All-Madden Cornerback, if I want to throw you an interception you will catch it.
No! Don't just bat it to the simulated grass. Why are you celebrating? You've been unsuccessful at wrangling a wounded duck floating directly towards your open meat palms. Why are you bobbing your head in rhythmic appreciation of your pathetic attempt at defense? The crowd is not ecstatic. They are drunk on barley pop that I've decided they'll pay $10 a cup for.
Just stand there in zone coverage and... dammit don't blitz. How often do the EA programmers think that defensive coordinators call a corner blitz? Seriously, that's three out of the last five plays. All right fine, I'll punt and then super-sim through the ensuing defensive series.
Now, I'm going to throw you the ball. My wide receiver will run an out. His back will be turned to the play so he'll be completely unaware that I'm throwing the ball two seconds early. Oh, no he's not. He caught the ball. How did he know to turn immediately and stop the route?
I realize that I've overestimated the intelligence of you programs. This is not an insurrection. This is merely the result of randomized, yet stabilized for down and distance, programming. Even that safety over there with the light-bulb under his feet, he's no smarter than his lineage from a decade prior. Certainly the details are finer. He's not square in the torso, there's a clearly defined separation between face-mask and helmet, his shoes are rounded and no longer originate from the Kleenex box athletic wear collection. But he's gained little knowledge from his Cartridgian ancestors.
Why are you blitzing again? No defensive coordinator can keep his job by allowing the receiver man coverage with a safety this often. I don't care that the strategy is working and I don't care how full the safety's "light-bulb meter" is. If he could really read the play he'd know that I'm attempting to throw you the damn ball. Keyshawn would understand.
All right, one more down and I'm giving up. This is simple. I'll audible the receiver into a button-hook. Then I'll put the tight-end in motion to move the impeding linebacker. I see you're playing inside shoulder coverage, nice. Now please stand there and... watch as my quarterback chucks the ball into the virtual Gatorade cooler. Well that's it. I'm getting a barley pop.
Posted by W.H. Patton at Sunday, January 22. 2012 
Categories: Tales from Sporty's World, A Sportyng Laugh, Button Pressing
Categories: Tales from Sporty's World, A Sportyng Laugh, Button Pressing
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I will probably be back again to examine additional, many thanks for the information.
A person point I just would like to say is always that your Site is so excellent valuable for us.
I hope you'll hold in posting new articles & many thanks for sharing your great experience among us.
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When you read this collection of quotes on overcoming failure, one message will echo loud and clear: do not accept failure!
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