Tim Tebow Facts

After the Denver Broncos selected Tim Tebow in the 1st round of the NFL draft, the interwebs became filled with facts about the new NFL quarterback.  Yet many of these facts seem to be similar to those about a couple other legendary celebrities.  We at SportyMcBloggin thought we'd do our best research (editors note: aka making shit up) and come up with some previously unknown tidbits about Messr Tebow, that were exclusive to him. (editors note: once again, we made some stuff up)

Tim Tebow and Kurt Warner walked into a bar, their pious nature turned the bar immediately into a church... that church became the Vatican.

Edinson Volquez never took fertility drugs, he was impregnated by merely thinking about Tim Tebow. 

Hurricane Katrina didn't destroy the New Orleans levee, Tim Tebow sneezed Gatorade at a Florida practice.

Many scientists are blaming the recent rash of world earthquakes on unusual plate movements.  But NFL scouts have realized that the devastation occurred only during Tim Tebow's team workouts for draft evaluations

Many scouts complain about Tim Tebow's throwing mechanics, unaware of how successful those mechanics were when Tebow slayed Goliath.

Tim Tebow wrote all 98 episodes of "The A-Team"

Tim Tebow keeps The Rolling Stones alive using a hyperbaric chamber and frequent injections of his DNA because, he "really digs 'Start Me Up'"

Tim Tebow is so grateful to his savior Jesus Christ that he thanked him by using a self-made time machine to travel back two-thousand years and invent Myrrh.

Also of note, Tim Tebow can time travel in a Delorian at only 47 miles-per hour.

Tim Tebow won the Daytona 500 without turning left.

Tim Tebow wrote The Da Vinci Code because his pal Jesus "really loves a good joke"

Chuck Norris may not shed tears, but Tim Tebow does.  Tears of love... the love of separating a defender's torso from his legs.

Tim Tebow killed Tony Soprano but David Chase couldn't afford the licensing rights to Tebow's image... so he cut to black

Tim Tebow already knows who's going to win the World Cup

According the rules included with the game, Tim Tebow gets $300 for passing GO in Monopoly

Tim Tebow destroyed all of the 7 Wonders of the Ancient World except, of course, the Pyramids.  He really admires the work of the Jews.



Tim Tebow can beat Contra without using the "Konami Code"

Tim Tebow handmade all of the claymation for "Clash of the Titans".  Not the original, the remake. 

Tim Tebow's really fucking good at claymation.

Tim Tebow helped paint the roof of the Sistine Chapel with his friend Michelangelo... not the painter, the ninja turtle

Tim Tebow can return sight to the blind and hearing to the deaf.  He just doesn't feel like doing it.

Tim Tebow killed Archduke Ferdinand with an errant pass in 1914.  He's really sorry for everything that happened afterward.

Tim Tebow's favorite flavor of Gatorade is Red.  Not Fruit Punch.  Just Red.

Like other babies Tim Tebow messed his diaper.  Unlike other babies, the contents of his soiled diapers were the scripts for Police Academy movies 3-6

Tim Tebow won the 1994 World Series.  Major League Baseball is just in denial.

Twenty years ago Tim Tebow planted a sapling next to Tiger Woods' driveway.

Tim Tebow always wins on his first guess while playing Clue.  He's not psychic, he just has an "inside guy"

Tim Tebow likes his chicken wings to be dipped into a gravy sauce... not much to say about that really.  Dude just likes gravy.

Tim Tebow knows what happened in that bathroom in Milledgeville, Georgia.

Tim Tebow always uses the Houston Astros when he plays "RBI Baseball".  His record is 3267-0

Tim Tebow believes that when he closes his eyes he becomes invisible.  Funny thing is, he's right.

When "Charles in Charge" was canceled, Scott Baio left Tim Tebow in charge... of our days... and our nights

Tim Tebow is a vegetarian.  Just kidding, he's eaten one of every animal species on Earth, including man.  He says "it's not as good as you'd think"

Tim Tebow disapproves of The Brady Bunch's lifestyle...  And also "jazz hands".  Tim Tebow fucking hates "jazz hands"

Some people kneel down to pray.  Tim Tebow straps a note containing his hopes and dreams to a football and tells God to "go long"

Tim Tebow farts new car smell


Posted by W.H. Patton at Monday, April 26. 2010
Categories: A Sportyng Laugh, Helmet to Helmet

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