The Winter Olympics
LAS VEGAS- I would have posted something on the Olympics earlier but I have been stranded in Pacific & Mountain time zones without internets for the last week. Not to mention it's virtually impossible to find these games on TV. Finally after searching NBC affiliates on various cable networks I was able to locate what looks to be hockey announcers on USA Cable (is NBC even going to try and broadcast these games?). Looks like I just missed the Team USA hockey game. Damn. Well there should be another hockey game soon... Right?
Nope. Figure skating. Why do we have winter Olympics? There's not even that many events, just variations of the same competition: Pairs Figure Skating, Men's Singles Short Routine, Women's Singles Short Routine, Men's Singles Endurance Challenge, Women's Singles You Got Served, Alternative Lifestyle Pairs, Men's Singles Free Skate, Women's Singles Laps, Ice Dancing, Middle School Ice Dancing (where the partner's must stay on opposite sides of the rink).
Altogether there are 23 gold medals for what amounts to one competition. And every event has the same variations. Alpine Skiing is even worse: Men's Going Down a Mountain Fast, Women's Going Down a Mountain Through Flags, Men's Going Down a Mountain with Bumps, Women's Going Down a Mountain with Lovely Lady Lumps, Men's Going Down a Ramp and Jumping, Women's Going Down a Ramp and Jumping While Posing for Sports Illustrated... And 15 other variations.
I'm sure all of these are important events for those competing in them, the advertisers sponsoring them, and the network who forked out a billion dollars for them (but still won't pre-empt day time soaps). And it's a mild morale boost for a downtrodden former communist block nation like Estonia to pick up a silver medal in the Women's 10km Cross Country.
Somehow I thing these announcers take themselves a touch seriously though. The female figure skating commentator spent most of a routine gasping in horror at the eventual gold medallist Chinese pair. Either:
A. She is a jingoist American slandering the threatening eastern uprising (see Obama administration & Toyota)
B. She knows nothing about figure skating
C. Or she was just trying to draw attention to herself because she's not as hip as Brian Boitano
D. She wants to become the Simon Cowell of the new Fox show "Foreign Ice Idol"
At least she was making some noise to keep the audience awake. Figure Skating announcers seem to find it appropriate to whisper during the routine as if anyone can hear them in the booth. Which is funny, because televised Figure Skating resembles televised Golf with slightly more tasteful attire. Consider:
A. Announcers who whisper
B. Audiences who applaud softly after a complex maneuver
C. Big stars getting attacked with clubs or pipes
Over on MSNBC there is a hockey game... a women's hockey game. This will last for... oh a penalty... and change the channel. Well, still watched 8 seconds longer than a women's basketball game. Which reminds me, why isn't basketball in the winter Olympics? Can't we balance out these games so that winter can be just as good as summer? What about boxing? These sports can be done in arenas, why are they in the summer games? The winter Olympics need help... save the world, make basketball & boxing winter games. Because if you don't....
I'll be forced to watch Curling. Which I am doing. And pounding expensive west coast ale which I can't take on the plane with me. And this is way more awesome than Figure Skating or Women's hockey. Why are they playing shuffleboard on ice? I don't know. How do you score this game? I don't know. Are their brooms smoothing or roughing the ice? I DON'T KNOW. Why is this an Olympic sport? I don't know. What I do know: Alcohol & Curling = Excitement.
It's the US vs Japan. GM's union hack politicians vs the Toyota recall. Microsoft vs Sony. This is what it all comes down to. All of our international problems sorted out on the Curling ice. The Olympic spirit.
Nope. Figure skating. Why do we have winter Olympics? There's not even that many events, just variations of the same competition: Pairs Figure Skating, Men's Singles Short Routine, Women's Singles Short Routine, Men's Singles Endurance Challenge, Women's Singles You Got Served, Alternative Lifestyle Pairs, Men's Singles Free Skate, Women's Singles Laps, Ice Dancing, Middle School Ice Dancing (where the partner's must stay on opposite sides of the rink).
Altogether there are 23 gold medals for what amounts to one competition. And every event has the same variations. Alpine Skiing is even worse: Men's Going Down a Mountain Fast, Women's Going Down a Mountain Through Flags, Men's Going Down a Mountain with Bumps, Women's Going Down a Mountain with Lovely Lady Lumps, Men's Going Down a Ramp and Jumping, Women's Going Down a Ramp and Jumping While Posing for Sports Illustrated... And 15 other variations.
I'm sure all of these are important events for those competing in them, the advertisers sponsoring them, and the network who forked out a billion dollars for them (but still won't pre-empt day time soaps). And it's a mild morale boost for a downtrodden former communist block nation like Estonia to pick up a silver medal in the Women's 10km Cross Country.
Somehow I thing these announcers take themselves a touch seriously though. The female figure skating commentator spent most of a routine gasping in horror at the eventual gold medallist Chinese pair. Either:
A. She is a jingoist American slandering the threatening eastern uprising (see Obama administration & Toyota)
B. She knows nothing about figure skating
C. Or she was just trying to draw attention to herself because she's not as hip as Brian Boitano
D. She wants to become the Simon Cowell of the new Fox show "Foreign Ice Idol"
At least she was making some noise to keep the audience awake. Figure Skating announcers seem to find it appropriate to whisper during the routine as if anyone can hear them in the booth. Which is funny, because televised Figure Skating resembles televised Golf with slightly more tasteful attire. Consider:
A. Announcers who whisper
B. Audiences who applaud softly after a complex maneuver
C. Big stars getting attacked with clubs or pipes
Over on MSNBC there is a hockey game... a women's hockey game. This will last for... oh a penalty... and change the channel. Well, still watched 8 seconds longer than a women's basketball game. Which reminds me, why isn't basketball in the winter Olympics? Can't we balance out these games so that winter can be just as good as summer? What about boxing? These sports can be done in arenas, why are they in the summer games? The winter Olympics need help... save the world, make basketball & boxing winter games. Because if you don't....
I'll be forced to watch Curling. Which I am doing. And pounding expensive west coast ale which I can't take on the plane with me. And this is way more awesome than Figure Skating or Women's hockey. Why are they playing shuffleboard on ice? I don't know. How do you score this game? I don't know. Are their brooms smoothing or roughing the ice? I DON'T KNOW. Why is this an Olympic sport? I don't know. What I do know: Alcohol & Curling = Excitement.
It's the US vs Japan. GM's union hack politicians vs the Toyota recall. Microsoft vs Sony. This is what it all comes down to. All of our international problems sorted out on the Curling ice. The Olympic spirit.
Winter Olympics 2010 was so good. I hope that on the next, there will be no accidents.
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Alcohol & Curling = Excitement
I concur! I wonder if a housewife (or husband...) was snowed in during a blizzard and came up with this game to pass the boredom!
Cheers!
-Booker
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I believe in God so god is control and what happens here is only the smallest glimpse of something far greater that He has in mind for us..
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For some reason I didn't find myself watching the Olympics much at all this year. About the only thing I watched was hockey! I never watch hockey but this year something about it was cool.
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