Dear Media,

Since the incidents of Thanksgiving night you seemingly have gone out of your way to tarnish the image of a sports icon.  You've implied gross misconduct including adultery, drug use, spousal abuse, and poor driving skills.  Some of those accusations were later proved to be accurate, but you hurled them prior to proof as if to condemn out of pure jealousy.  You've viciously torn at the fragile fabric of a man who seemed too perfect to be true.  You pulled at the loose threads of his wholesome image until it unraveled into a mess of harems and the infidelity associated with such gatherings.  You tore apart another man's family because he is worth billions, is recognized world wide, and is better at a game than you ever dreamed to be at anything.  And though he may lose sponsors, his wife, the respect of the public, and his chance at breaking golf's major record, one thing still hasn't changed...

Tiger Woods is still better than you.

Better at golf, better at getting paid to hock shit, in better shape, better at knocking over public property, younger, richer, and at least for the time being married to a hotter wife.  And that probably drives you crazy.  He didn't need you to become rich.  He didn't need you to be the best at his chosen profession.  He didn't need your hook up to get bottle service behind a velvet rope with a handful of gold digging skanks. 

What outcome did you hope for with this display of jaded vengeance?  Did you secretly hope that he would realize he's snubbed you too many times and now you can be buddy buddy.  You are acting like a spoiled crying child who's tired of having his letters to his idol not returned.



And now after years of being spurned, you have your chance to burn the beloved icon you feel you created.  You flash Times v. Sullivan like it's a search warrant into another human's private life.  After all, he chose to be a public figure by being groomed to put a small white ball in a little white cup for money.  He chose to have the press jaded towards based on his right to be seclusive.  He chose to make a important difference in America by being the first African-American to win a green jacket from one of the most racist institutions in the United States.  He didn't, that we know of, cheat to become better at putting that ball in the cup from long distances.  However forthwith, you will do your best to link him to PED's as to steal what's left of the man's soul.

In summation, a man has made multiple mistakes that will cost him his wife and family.  These mistakes will probably alienate him from his children over the next few decades.  His suffering would have happened with or without you and yet you took it as your charge to broadcast this man's private life to the nation.  Now his private shame and suffering is public shame and speculation.  You've successfully given his gold-digging tramps their 15 minutes of fame.  You'd probably offer them a reality show for next fall season if you believe it'll score you a few bucks. 

Hope you feel good about yourself,

Sporty