After the Cy Young voting was announced and ballots were made public.  Keith Law was one of only 2 voters to exclude Chris Carpenter on his ballot.  Naturally he irked a large percentage of Cardinal Nation.  He did an interview with 101.1 ESPN radio in St. Louis the day the award was announced.  It was a heated and remarkably amusing exchange but we couldn't help but wonder what we would have asked him if he came on our show... that is if we had a show, we're working on that.  So here are Keith Law's real answers from the 101.1 interview, mixed with the questions that we would have asked if given the privilege to do the interview, parody intended.

Sporty – Good to have you here Keith. How are you?

Keith Law - Good thanks, how are you guys

Sporty – Sparkling. Let's get down to brass tacks. You left a 17-4 pitcher with a 2.24ERA off of your Cy Young ballot in favor of Javy Vasquez who was15-10 with a 2.87 ERA. Why are you such a tool?

Keith Law – Well, for several reasons.

Sporty – But why would you even think about putting Vasquez in there?

Keith Law - One is just that he, like Lincecum and Wainwright provided more bulk value to his team by throwing more innings. Vasquez I think had the smallest gap over Carpenter with 27 or so innings. You know, the equivalent of 3complete games. That's a pretty significant advantage and Carpenter would have had to have been much more effective in the innings that he threw to close the value gap with Vasquez. And another major reason is that defense counts and we have to, when trying to evaluate a pitcher value we have to back that out of the equation. Carpenter and Wainwright both got significant help from their defense because the Cardinals fielded a pretty defensive club this year. Whereas Vasquez and Lincecum really weren't helped by their defenses, they weren't hurt much by them, which is surprising because Lincecum played in front of a lousy defensive club. But they weren't helped by them and once you look at some of the more advanced statistics that try to tease out pitching value vs defensive value, uh, Vasquez really rose above all the pitchers in the National League except for Tim Lincecum who just lapped the field. To me Lincecum was clearly above every one else. And then you have I think a lot of arguments about how you would order the next four guys in the league, two Cardinals guys, Javy Vasquez, and Dan Haren, who is who Will Carroll voted for over Carpenter.

Sporty – So, bottom line, Javy Vasquez promised you half of his of his $70,000 bonus if you could get him into fourth place?

Keith Law - No, that's not what I said. Uh, he provided less value.

Sporty – Less than half, got it. Look, since you've got such an impressive knowledge of baseball help me out with this. I recently lost in the finals of an RBI Baseball tournament. I was the American League All-Stars. My friend was the National League All-Stars. He won by one run in the tenth inning, what the hell happened?

Keith Law - He played on a better defensive team and got more help from his defense. He did less himself. He put more balls in play. Now you put those same balls in play in front of an inferior defense and you get worse results. This is sort of one of the major breakthroughs, I would say, in baseball analysis in the last 10 years, is giving us some kind of separation between the value of pitching and the value of defense.

Sporty – But that game's stats are all screwed up, George Brett isn't a right handed hitter and Rick Sutcliffe never had a 1.12 ERA. Seems like poor analysis to create statistics that make some players look better than they actually were.

Keith Law - Well,it's certainly not poor analysis its actually accurate analysis.

Sporty – You're telling me that you have formulas that can prove Rick Sutcliffe's ERA should have been lower and George Brett hit right handed? I've seen Brett play in person and he swung left-handed.

Keith Law - {Laughing in wiener voice} I don't know if you have a background in analysis to question the quality of my analysis.

Sporty – Do you ever watch baseball games or do you just back out of the stadium after the National Anthem?

Keith Law - The question is, how much do you back out?

Sporty – You think it's more important to read statistical analysis on a pitcher rather than watch him pitch first hand, before voting on something as important as the Cy Young award?

Keith Law - What we know about pitchers is they can do one of four basic things with a hitter. Strike a guy out, give up a walk, give up a home run, or give up a ball in play. Well the first three it's fairly absolute what happens next, but with a ball in play it can become an out, it can become a hit, and it can become a hit obviously various kinds of hits. The things a pitcher can do most to help his team, the thing that a pitcher can do most to help his team, the things he can do strike more guys out reducing the risk of a ball in play that becomes a single or a double or a triple, avoid home runs, avoid walks.

Sporty – Well yeah, I guess if a pitcher has that little responsibility his job's pretty easy.  He can just spend his off days smoking pot, hitting teammates with pies, and playing Guitar Hero.

Keith Law - Tim Lincecum was the best in the National League at doing those 3 critical things. And keeping balls out of play.

Sporty - But baseball hitters are almost legendary if they succeed 3 out of 10 times.  Why shouldn't more pitchers just play the percentages and let the batters hit the ball, Wainwright and Carpenter do?  The efficiency will give pitchers more time to play Guitar Hero.

Keith Law - If you can tell me exactly how much credit we should give back to Carpenter and Wainwright because they were deliberately trying to pitch to contact as opposed to being unable to strike more guys out I'd love to hear it. But we don't know that. But I'm not willing to arbitrarily just make up a figure for that, I think that would be totally irresponsible. I use the most advanced statistics that I have seen that are available outside of the proprietary work done for Major League teams, to try and evaluate who are the best pitchers in the National League and put them in the proper order this year. And that's the order in which I voted.

Sporty - Do your advanced statistics tell you who would win between Adam Wainwright and a Level 20 Dwarf if Waino rolled a 16?

Keith Law - I don't understand what the question is.

Sporty - Wait a damn minute. Dave Duncan told me that guys like you grew up playing dice rolling games because no one would pick you for sports.

Keith Law - I didn't say Dave Duncan was wrong.

Sporty - So since you're the expert, who wins Waino or the Dwarf?  Or should we just ignore Dave Duncan's ramblings altogether?

Keith Law - Again I'm not really sure what the question is. You're asking me if pitchers should ignore their pitching coach?

Sporty - Jesus no.  I don't know how these games are played.  Isn't there a dice roll baseball which is based on player stats on the back of his card, and a dice roll Dungeons and Dragons game which is based on the costumes you make for yourself?  Can those worlds not intersect?  Can Adam Wainwright from the baseball game world only do battle with the Dwarf from D&D if he becomes a Knight or something? 

Keith Law - You're asking me if Adam Wainwright goes to another team is he going to be a completely different pitcher. I don't know that any more than you do. We don't know at all.

Sporty - Another team? Duncan tells me you're an expert at dice rolling games but you can't give me an answer.  And Duncan tells Wainwright to pitch to contact and you won't give him a Cy Young? 

Keith Law - That's what just about every pitching coach tells his guys to do. Dave Duncan happens to be particularly good at it. I have praised Duncan many times because I think he is an extremely effective pitching coach. I think his work with Joel Piniero is an excellent example of that.

Sporty - You're preaching to the choir about Piniero.  Who do you think is more effective at picking awards, baseball writers or Nobel Prize voters?

Keith Law - I don't know it's my first vote.

Sporty - What about baseball writers and Grammy voters?

Keith Law - Don't really have any experience with that.

Sporty - Well I'd definitely put the outrage at you for your dismissal of Chris Carpenter up there with the Jethro Tull over Metallica reaction.  What do you think of that?

Keith Law - I am amused tremendously by it. Because who cares. Why does some random Cardinals fan care whether or not Chris Carpenter won the Cy Young or not? By the way I didn't make the difference. If I put Carpenter second instead of Vasquez he still wouldn't have won the award. And I think it's pretty clear that Lincecum deserved to win the award. If there's a questions over whether Lincecum is the best pitcher in the National League or not, I don't really see that as that much of a discussion. He's clearly above everyone else. So why does it matter?

Sporty - The Cardinals went into the playoffs, while Lincecum faded when his team needed him during the stretch run.

Keith Law - That is absolutely incorrect, Lincecum pitched well in September. I mean have they changed the standings. Do they weigh games more in September now then the games in April?

Sporty - No but there's a clutch factor.  I'm sure you'd understand competitive social dynamics if you ever played sports in your life.

Keith Law - See that's the type of old school nonsense that, to me, just does not have a place in baseball analysis.

Sporty - What's wrong with being old school or reminiscing about back in the day?  When all the kids were getting suited up for sports what were putting on for your dice rolling contests?

Keith Law - Make up.

Sporty - No wonder you sound like a guy who's never seen a vagina.

Keith Law - I've spent this whole year traveling around the country, going to games. So that's a pretty bogus argument.

Sporty - Sorry for assuming.  But it's still pretty clear that you're a dude who has to pay for sex.

Keith Law - Very clear.

Sporty - I bet that kind of come with the territory for guys who spend their free time creating advanced formulas to vote on awards for a glorified children's game.

Keith Law - And you know what, to the extent that people want to see the rationale for my vote, by all means I wrote an article on it today. Trying to explain it using the advanced statistics, but in a way that makes them accessible to people who aren't familiar say, wins above replacement or fielder independent pitching. Which are types of stats that major league front offices are actually using now to evaluate player performance. They're not as commonly heard in the mainstream media and I understand that a lot of fans may not be familiar with them. But I worked in a front office and understanding how Major League teams are approaching the question of historical value and also projecting forward. Those are the criteria and the types of statistics that I use in voting on this award.

Sporty - Criteria that outrages St. Louis, which is a dangerous city to visit let alone outrage.

Keith Law - Got some good emails so far from Cardinals fans who just wanted an explanation,wanted a little back and forth. You mentioned outrage and that's what just cracks me up. I don't understand that.

Sporty - Honestly though, if you could cross characters into different worlds, you would pick Lincecum over Carpenter to swing an axe for your party in a battle against slimy ogres?

Keith Law - Mmmmmm Not what I said and not the question we need to answer with the Cy Young award.

Sporty - So if all your analysis didn't lead you to the pitcher with the most wins, the pitcher with the most innings, the pitcher with the lowest ERA, or the pitcher who's quickest at decapitating ogres, than what were you voting for?

Keith Law -The question that I tried to answer was who provided the most value for his team this year among pitchers in the National League.

Sporty - So if you were either in a dice roll baseball playoff game, an RBI championship game, or some type of dungeon that may or may not contain a dragon, you'd vote for Tim Lincecum to be your go to guy?

Keith Law - That's not the same as who I'd want. And frankly the guy I'd want out of all these guys to start the first game of the playoffs is Tim Lincecum. I want a guy who can miss bats.

Sporty - Because the bats distract the warriors and block magic spells, right?

Keith Law - That's exactly what it is.

Sporty - I think I've got it now.  Thank you for your insight on statistical analysis and dice games.  I'm going to open this pack of Topps baseball cards so I can start a season of dice roll baseball.  Do mind if I eat the stick of bubblegum?

Keith Law - No no go ahead. 

Sporty - It's been great talking to you Keith.  I hope that front offices still are as uninterested in hiring you as they have been for the previous 5 years so you're available to craft your formulas next season.

Keith Law - Take care.