by W.H.

I was prepared to finish my comparison of Peyton Manning and his contemporaries' performances in the post-season. That was until I read the top headline on ESPN this morning, “Bud Selig on A-Rod: All-Star 'shamed the game'”.  No way, there is no possible way that Bud Selig threw A-Rod under the bus for using steroids, right?

The Bud Selig who makes over $18 Million a year to preside over the most controversial era in America's pastime.  The same era in which the NFL has effectively usurped that “pastime” throne from baseball. 
The Bud Selig who once postponed an All-Star game during a tie and then tried to correct his mistake by making the All-Star games determine home field advantage in the World Series for years to come.  
The Bud Selig who tried to contract the Minnesota Twins, a team with 2 World Series wins in the last 25 years which is as many as the Cubs, Braves, Indians, Giants, Dodgers, Brewers, Pirates, Padres, Rangers, Mariners, and Astros combined.   I don't even need to remind anyone that Selig was commissioner during the strike season of 1994 when the World Series was canceled, do I?

And the worst part about Selig's existence in common public knowledge?   It could have all been avoided, even without his mother's use of contraceptive devices.   Most people anointed the home run explosion as the savior of the game after the disastrous aftermath of the strike of '94. Even though players were unnaturally increasing in proportion, baseball had been revitalized.   The fans were coming back through the turnstiles and all was well again. Praise Selig.  The only problem with this series of events was it all could have been erased if Selig was never commissioner.

Even after he became commissioner, Selig was still shitting where he ate.  In 2001 he was forced to settle a charge of racketeering after allegedly conspiring with Expos owner Jeffrey Loria to contract the franchise and defraud the minority owners.   Selig had effectively castrated the Expos during the strike of '94, so why did baseball need to contract two teams four years after expansion?  Former commissioner Fay Vincent stated that the owners used expansion as a means to pay the tab from the collusion incident.  The owners' excuse for contraction was that the over-expansion had diluted the talent pool and the game was weaker.   Obviously there was no mention of Selig's attempt to swindle the Expos owners or steal the neighboring Twins' fan-base for his daughter's Brewers.

It wouldn't be hard to prove that Selig could ever be as monstrous as to rob a fan-base of a team for his own benefit.  There was one time in the 1960's when he attempted to halt all future movements of teams out of cities in order to protect his interest in the Milwaukee Braves.  However after the team moved to Atlanta, and his attempts to purchase the White Sox and move them to Milwaukee failed, it only took him five years to rob Seattle of the Pilots leaving them teamless. Imagine the public outrage if Clay Bennett became the commissioner of the NBA?

And now Buddy Backdoor wants to take a shot at his bread and butter?  Selig turned his back while the players got juiced then claimed that it was the balls.  Of course anyone who knows about the effects of steroids is aware of the opposing correlation. When the game was finally up and names were being discovered in depositions and company raids, Selig produced a “memo” that had previously been sent to teams condemning the use of performance enhancing drugs.  I'm sure Viagra was still acceptable in the owner's box. (What? That's a cheap shot? Buckle up, there's more of them coming.)   There were no tests, there was no accountability, there was just speculation, congressional hearings, and Selig's denials.

Selig is the congressman who publicly grills the bank chairmen for burning billions of taxpayer money and privately fills the bailout bill with pork so rich it would make Kate Moss fat.  Selig is the car company exec that screams, “Buy American”, while building his wares in Mexico.  Selig is David Chase's fade to black and the toxic shock that killed Jim Henson.

Henson created Sesame Street, a beloved television show which brought enjoyment to millions of children.   You know what else used to bring enjoyment to children?  Baseball.  Henson was the Abner Freakin' Doubleday of television. Remember how you used to feel about baseball?  Remember the fond memories of going to your local cookie cutter stadium with your family, eating reasonably priced hot dogs and that red licorice rope, all the while praying that your favorite .240 hitting cleanup hitter would step to the plate and crank out one of his 30 home runs for the season.

Remember collecting regular baseball cards that came coated with the sugar from the bubblegum.   The packs cost less than a buck, unlike the current ones that are embossed with silver and platinum commemorating historic moments like Roger Clemens sticking Andy Pettitte in the butt. Cards that are created to be valuable but that lack the foundation of cherished memories necessary to constitute a demand for them in later years.   They are the beauty queens that peaked too soon, wasting their glory years giving hand jobs to future used car salesmen and embracing the notion that their “gift” will last forever.  Eventually they scuttle off to community college before getting knocked up, dropping out, and spending the rest of their days popping out kids, chugging boxed wine, and recalling in conversation distant memories of when they were worth a damn.

Think about your feelings for baseball now, are they the same as when you were a kid?   Do you remember the pastime as fondly as Bob Costas's generation?  As Ken Burns?  As Jack Buck or Vin Scully?  Does baseball remind you of Ozzie Smith's back flips or Mark McGwire's locker full of Andro?  Does it remind you of Ken Griffey Jr's sweet swing or Barry Bonds' enhanced one?  Cal Ripken's streak or Palmiero's finger wag?   The last couple generations have tainted feelings about baseball created by Selig's irresponsibility and incompetence.  He juiced our memories with performance enhancing drugs that have left them crippled and faded like the final days of Lyle Alzado.   Bud Selig impregnated the beauty queen, stole the bubble gum from baseball cards, and murdered The Muppets.